Wolfman moving forward 4

[Wolfman]

I can tell you from firsthand experience how it feels to be in a relationship with someone who always has to be right. It is frustrating and exhausting. My xh would argue with a fence post if he thought he could be right about something. And he didn’t just argue, he’d look up crap on the internet that supported his side of whatever it was. I got to the point where I would just say “you’re right” and walk away because what I said didn’t matter at all. He didn’t care. Don’t do that to your gf. I agree with Mach that all of your “I guess it is because…” really doesn’t serve you. You need to figure out the root cause so you can find the solution.

You and your xw do have drama and of course it takes it’s toll on your current relationship. You share kids with your xw and therefore can’t cut ties altogether but you don’t have to engage either. Because you want to be right so badly, you just keep engaging. I think LH makes a great point that if you have custody arrangements that depend on y’all communicating and cooperating, you should definitely go back and have them explicitly spelled out because you have both proven you can’t effectively co-parent.

Thank you for the insight about how it made you feel. I never realized how difficult I was really being. I have to understand my gf has a voice and needs to be heard. I definitely need to do a better job at listening. I have actually done that too. Looked up things to prove I am right.

Wolfman

Usually people project things that they struggle within. A person who comes across as judgemental to others... is usually far more judgmental with their own actions inside.

The same could be said about people who usually need to feel right all the time. It usually stems from an environment where "being wrong" came with consequences. How do you talk to yourself when you are wrong? Do you beat yourself up? Do you extend yourself grace?.

How do I talk to myself? Not in a very nice way. I beat myself up. I say things to myself, like once again I am wrong, I'm no good. I am hard on myself. We got yelled at a lot as kids when we were wrong.

You all want more. My childhood was all about if my parents did something for us we had to do something for them. I know it shouldn't be like that, but its so hard for me to undo. Even my one close buddy has said something to me. Example: my good friend and I work together. If I am tired he will see that and give me a red bull. The next I will bring him one back right away. He will say you don't have to get me one right away, If friends just can't help each other what good are we. Yet, when someone does me a favor I feel Like I have to return a favor or they will look at me like I am not a good person. Both my parents always did that to us. Parent example: my dad left his glasses upstairs, he would ask me to run upstairs and get his glasses. If I didn't he would say, then I am not taking you to your sports. This was constant in my house with both parents. You all tell me, would that be a factor in always being right? Or just other mental damage on me. lol

If you do this and she is a rational human being she will slowly start to meet your needs too.

Just want to point out - she may not be a rational human being (your GF).

And drinking before going to a child's game because she's "anxious"? Sounds like alcoholic behavior to me and very worrisome.

Also - get a second car seat. You shouldn't be home with your baby without a way to transport them to medical attention should the need arise.

I know everyone has been all over you for the mistakes you made in the past - not helpful now that you're where you are. Focusing on yourself is still the best thing you can do at present - not arguing and trying to be "right", speaking her love languages to her without expecting a tit for tat, etc. It may sill not work out because she may be an immature self-centered person who isn't capable of growing up, but if she is, this is your best chance.

Thank you for cutting me a little slack. She isn't an alcoholic. She only drinks on those occasions or when we go to dinner and she has a glass of wine. Which is rare because its so expensive. mostly eat at home. I am going to speak her love language without expecting anything in return.