So you were dating before your W even moved out. I guess this makes more sense now.
So in the early stages of a relationship and especially after having a child a woman will typically bends over backwards to make her husband/BF happy so he stays in the relationship. This is all part of the Evolutionary Psychology thing I like to talk about on this board. She wants a man around to help with, protect and provide for her and the baby. After years and years of this and the man doesn't reciprocate the resentment starts to build and you get the bomb drop after many years of her needs not being met. The fact that this has happened so quickly leads me to believe either A. you are not being honest with us or B. your girlfriend is not relationship/marriage material or something is not right with her like for an example she is not attracted to you.
So anyhoo what I would do if you want this relationship work is to focus on her needs for at minimum 6 months. If you do this and she is a rational human being she will slowly start to meet your needs too. After 6 months of your efforts she still is not reciprocating you should have a discussion and try to at minimum negotiate a middle ground. If the negotiation is not acceptable to you than you need to live with it or start to plan your exit strategy.
I agree with this....
And I will add....
Wolf, I feel that you still view DBing as a tactic to get your way.
You think that just validating, or whatever, is going to fix whatever situation you find yourself in....
You still argue to be 'right' in most situations, and just want the storybook "soulmate" ending without actually doing anything different, let alone the work to achieve that.
You still don't see that the common denominator in your struggles with both of your past relationships is YOU...
You are having the same thoughts and situations that you had in your marriage, yet you still blame them for YOUR side of the street. You have admitted that you treat your GF now like you did your EX.
The reason that validation isn't working for you is because they don't believe it. I don't believe it either and I'm not the one in a relationship with you. Hell, I bet the Pope wouldn't believe you.
I feel that you have zero clue of what actually goes on around you as long as it works out the way you want it to....
And you don't 'own' any of your role....
The argument over the other day realistically had little to do with the actual event that you want to validate....
It is the build up anger and resentment from the past couple years. Her not feeling heard or listened to, or fully understood and appreciated.
One thing is never the cause....
And old rule is....
"Listen to understand and you will be understood...."
It goes along with....
"Speak without offending, and listen without defending"
Things CAN change Wolf, you just gotta want it....
And you are gonna come back and tell me that I am wrong....
Then I am gonna come back and point out how my perception of you isn't wrong...
Then you will come back and say "fair point", then argue that I am once again wrong, even though you admitted that there could be truth in it....
(Hey, kinda like your relationship huh ? )
So can we skip that, and go to the part where you start to see how your actions and behaviors have lead you to this point, and things can start getting better ???
