It's not normal or acceptable behavior for a married woman with kids at home to regularly stay out all night closing down the bars and sleeping at other people's house, whether it really is her "girlfriends" or not - and I'm skeptical. My now-ExW stayed at her mom's house and had a friend over to hide things with OM2. Why is it your W couldn't taxi or Uber back to your house instead of her girlfriends? Sounds like BS to me.
Don't spend a second worrying about her being mad you didn't comment on her outfit or respond to her texts from the bar. She's throw barbs towards you and you just deflect and hold your head up high and be happy with life (and if, understandably you're not right now, then "fake it till you make it").
If PA really is a boundary you need to be prepared to enforce it. She's already had a PA 12 years ago and is exhibiting every sign of one now (drinking with her bar friends who were around for her previous PA, staying out all night, constantly on phone...etc.). Hate to say this, but every experienced poster on this site would be shocked if it's not already a PA. It's easy enough to confirm if you want to, but understand you said you don't want to spy/use a PI. I lived through a PA during IHS and spied and knew what was happening as it developed in real time and couldn't stop it. It was awful. But it's over now and I'm much better two years later.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
