Thank you all for the responses, it's much appreciated. I do have a few more things I've been thinking about that I'm curious how to handle.
First, my wedding ring. I have not been wearing my ring for over a month because it was a daily reminder of W and everything that was wrong at the time. Taking it off helped me stop thinking of her as my W, which helped with daily anxiety and stress. W hasn't had her ring in years because she lost it and we just never got around to replacing it (I know, I'm an idiot). At the time, I was hesitant to commit to buying her a new one because she would jokingly mention getting a D at times, or mention it during arguments. That, coupled with the previous PA gave me pause. So my question is, do most people going through this keep wearing it, or not? And since I'm not wearing it, I assume it'd be ill advised to start again. I've only had a few people ask why I'm not wearing it, but it's always an awkward conversation that makes me wish I was just wearing it still. Very few people are aware of our situation.
This has been the single most debated thing ever on these forums : )
For me it was simple....
When I felt married regardless of what she was doing, I wore it....
It is entirely up to you what you do...
Some will say it is pressure and guilt towards the WAS...
There is no correct answer other than do what you feel you want to do....
Originally Posted by DW17
Second, for various reasons I want to split up our bank accounts. We honestly should have done this years ago, but I’m curious about how other people have handled finances while living with IHS. The way we’ve typically handled finances is that I would pay all of the bills from my checks and hers went toward everything else. This obviously doesn’t work in our current situation, especially with her renewed focus on hair, nails, clothing, makeup, etc. I’ve been ignoring the money situation while handling everything else, but W has been blowing money for about 3 months now and it feels like the appropriate time to address it. D17 has a birthday next weekend we’re prepping for, but after that I intend to talk to W about splitting finances. My plan is to each have separate accounts and pay our fair share of the bills (she makes quite a bit less money than me) and split costs for groceries/kid stuff/etc. Any thoughts on how I should handle this?
I would recommend that you do this, yet you are going to have to be more cognizant about how you do it....
Your words are gonna have to be the right way when you do it....
Something along the lines of...
Wife, considering the current situation that we are facing, I've decided it is best to rethink our financial situation.
And then lay out a plan to work toward that.
Whatever percentage you see fit to adapt to that.
It is going to be hard because the pattern is set. Most in a WA state of mind don't really care about anything that holds the accountable, especially financially.
Stay away from the words "I", and "you". They tend to hold statements that harbor a lot of guilt.
Guilt is fine, as long as you aren't the one facilitating it.
It's a razor's edge....just be sure that whatever you do, it is firm, unyielding, and absolute....
