Bttfly: He moved out in May 2021. He goes back and forth from wherever "he is staying." Those were his words the only time he's mentioned moving out. I never asked where or etc...let him be.

After our last court appearance, he wrote me a scathing letter calling me all kinds of names and threatening to do something that would have made me feel unsafe. He knows full well my hurt and that would be a trigger. I didn't respond. I remained neutral. Did not protest.

He's since "postponed" that threat for a later date.

I don't think he was emotionally engaged at work and I think he was on some form of probation, as when he was home the normal work engagements stopped for a year.

After that trip, he seems to have re-engaged with work activities. Something happened, I believe, at that function that shook him.

I know about OW because like Hansel and Gretel he intentionally left clues. I did not bite. I know she's a symptom and refuse to give her and the fam any fuel.

He hasn't been the same since that work function, meaning as angry, mean and etc... He monstered me once, however, the main person(s) that triggers him was around. I remained calm in the situation and diffused it and by the time I left home, I saw empathy, anchor check/touch, and go.

The trigger person set up that scenario to trigger me. I heard their conversation and her pushing him to do it. I didn't bite.

He says hello to me more and he looks me more in the eyes or maybe I've started to look at him more as my life is moving and growing with God's rays of sunshine in the storm.

When I ask him the only question I ask in the morning when he is here, he responded, what's the word I am looking for...he didn't make me feel like I was annoying him. I didn't want to bolt after asking him. He said he needed to do it quickly and that's it. I didn't feel for the first time like I wanted to run in the opposite direction or bathroom and cry. I DIDN'T GET IN MY CAR AND CRY from the exchange, different.

Not sure if it is him or me.

He used to come home 3-4 days a week. He's gone more. I feel the lack of his presence. He shifted his routine.

August/September bills are piling up. It's not like him to miss two months in not paying or going through the bills.

In the last text he sent me about a month ago, he used the word "we" and he is very careful with his pronouns, very deliberate to not use any "we, or us," in years. I didn't respond to his text as it was more information than a question and I am very careful to not do any pushes.

He engages with our pet more.

I am all over the place with this. When he was here last, he was doing something that is very special to me, very. I didn't respond. Not sure if I was supposed to. This is the 2nd time he did this.

Not being specific to not tell on the net who I am. I hope you understand.

Time before last I walked into our bedroom and he hid his body from me. He wasn't naked. He had on clothes. He was about to try on clothes. I complimented him. He looked embarrassed. Like a kid, so vulnerable. I was confused, and hurt and wanted to protect him. I know this is his journey. I left the room and said nothing.

The last time he was home he was walking around with only his underwear on. I haven't seen him like that in way over a year, if not two, only in his underwear.

I actually heard him engage in a work call. First time in over a year last week. It felt like the man I used to know. It struck me that I hadn't heard that exchange in over a year. That used to be the norm. It stopped when MLC started.

I got used to the quiet or his monster overpowered the lack of work engagement.

I see he's trying to re-engage with work. I don't expect him back for 1-2 weeks if he does come it will be mid-week, I don't expect him to come home as I know things are upcoming in the next two weeks.

It is quiet. I feel that when he comes back, he will come back with the fury of a storm as things are churning within and around him out there.

Hope you can shed some light to help me prepare for when he comes back to stay the course and not get sucked into his circus, because it is a circus out there, full of clowns.

Thanks for any and all the help you can shed and enlighten.