There’s a bunch more stuff to add to this, but it feels like a good start. The things I am currently struggling with are:
*How to detach while living with IHS. D17 has soccer games twice a week that we attend together. W gets upset when I “ignore” her. I try to give short answers, I don’t call/text unless family related, and I validate when she is upset. We have not had a single argument since BD. W gets upset at my lack of communication with things, which has been intentional. The first few weeks after BD, she referred to me as her best friend and it felt that way for a bit. I learned about detachment and she caught on immediately. I think it was too drastic a transition. One day BFF’s, next day barely talking. She blamed my IC, but it was me working on detachment. It’s just hard to figure out how much communication is too much when you live together and basically have to talk to each other a lot of the time.
*Validation without sounding robotic. I’ve read the validation thread several times, but it’s hard not to repeat phrases. W has called me out for it and sometimes finishes my sentences.
*W constantly asks for things from me. Getting something at the store, driving with her somewhere, making her a sandwich, etc. She hasn’t done her own laundry in 2 months but doesn’t ask me to do that and I said I wasn’t going to anymore. Do I just politely refuse these things regardless of her reaction? Just a few at a time until I’m not doing anymore?
Any advice through this process would be greatly appreciated. It’s tough, but it’s helpful knowing people have gone through similar situations and made it out okay. Thank you!
