*W had previous PA about 12 yrs ago. We never properly moved on from it. W is currently texting 247 with a male “friend” who has been out of the picture since the time of previous PA. He was not the AP previously, but at the time I believed she had feelings for him. Part of moving on from previous PA was NC with this guy also. I’m assuming worst obviously and am convinced there’s at least an EA. She does not hide that they text all day and knows I know who it is.
*I would describe our situation as IHS. She wants to move out but can’t afford it. She has pretty low paying job. Sleep in same bed still. Only sex since May has been oral twice a few weeks ago. I recently set a boundary against it stating that I am not comfortable with that with someone who does not have an emotional connection with me.
*Divorce is difficult as a buyout refi would almost double my mortgage. She asked for legal separation/divorce in late July, but to date has done nothing to push for it. She can’t afford the house on her own. Neither of us want to sell as this is our kids’ home and moving out of a large home to each have to pay more for small apartments does not make sense.
*I’ve been working on improving myself as I had basically lost my identity over the years while thinking I was doing the right thing for my family (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, working a bunch, fixing house, etc.) Unfortunately I neglected everyone’s emotional needs while taking care of their physical ones. My GAL has been working out a lot, which actually started prior to BD, but was accelerated after, reconnecting with old friends, becoming way more social at work and with family/friends, spending time with kids, dressing better and trying to live with confidence.
*I’ve been in IC for 2 months. Not very helpful, but I’m on several waitlists. Was supposed to be MC. W went first one. I went to fix M, she went to help with separation. She felt guilted into agreeing to work on M and never went back.
*S19 and D17 know everything that is/has happened. Not ideal, and I’m trying to keep things vague as possible for them, but I thought it was necessary for them to understand what was actually happening instead of being confused. D17 reached out to me first after researching MLC while I was gone. They fully understand my role in leading up to this and do not view W with any ill will.
