First off, I want to thank everyone here who has shared their stories and given their time to help people work through their relationship issues. The information here has been invaluable in helping me navigate through my situation.
I came across this forum after reading Michele’s book about a month and a half ago. I’ve read through a bunch of the threads and have tried to implement as much as possible. Here’s my story. Married almost 18 years, together for 22. High school sweethearts. Have a S19, D17 and D4 (adopted), and we also have a 6yr old who we were foster parents for who does not live with us, but we still support a bunch. My story is similar to many on here, married young, W has a bunch of childhood trauma, I did not provide enough emotional support to W, slowly drifted apart just going through the motions of life, I didn’t recognize the severity of the red flags and blew them off, W finally had enough of living in a house of negativity and feeling unloved.
The last straw for W came in late May. I was getting ready to go out of state to work for a few months. Family was going to meet me for the last half of the trip. Two weeks before leaving, W said we need MC or we’re getting divorced. I was trying to get the house ready (painting, fixing things, etc) so they would be set while I was gone. I have never been against MC, and actually welcomed it, but I thought it was too short notice to start something and said we could do it when I got back in 2 months. In hindsight, that was where things ended. I didn’t know it at the time, but per my D17, as soon as I left the state, W started with MLC/WAW type behavior. Staying out until 4-6 am, lost a bunch of weight, not eating, shopping, ignoring the kids, on phone 24/7, etc. D17 basically was playing mom for D4. I was told by W that everything was peaceful without my negativity. She felt that way, but rest of family did not.
In early July, family came to visit and this was when I first realized things were serious. W would not even hug me when I she first got there. She remained distant for the 2 weeks they were there creating an awkward situation I did not yet understand. When we got back home, July 22, got the “official” BD. ILYBINILWY, we need to figure out a separation, etc. I made the common mistakes at first (cried for 3 days, begging, trying to nice her back, promises, etc) not knowing it was way too late for that and counterproductive. Thankfully I found DR book pretty shortly after that and was able to correct some things. My main purpose for adding my story here is to get help with certain things that come up and as a source of support since the few I’ve reached out to don’t really understand the DB process.
