Stuck in limbo III

[LH19]

To be sure, W and I still live together, still talk every day (though not what I would necessarily call substantially), still sleep together.

Ok. I did this for a two and a half years and am still alive.

I still don't know how you did that when your wife was completely out and you knew it.

Ok here is a brief version of my story one more time. I pick up EXWs phone to check weather and it has a passcode. Confronted her and could tell she was lying. Eventually admitted to texting neighbor. Separated for 3 months with me living with friend. Find DB site. OM1 wants nothing to do with her after it's exposed. She agrees to try again. For a year and a half she half heartedly tries but when we would have a relationship talk she says can't get feelings back. Had a great business trip with her and things start feeling like they could turn with a really good anniversary. My daughter gets a new friend with single dad (OM2) and two months later bomb drops. At that point I throw in towel and we are stuck living together for over a year while waiting for D to be final and her to find a house.

Probably next summer. A long way off to be sure, but we'll see if she's inclined to make her own move then with the pay bump from a new career.

See another reason to stick it out. She gets a bump and you are on the hook for less child support.

I would be delighted to hear your suggestions. It is not straight-up texting, but clearly some app like Snapchat or What'sApp. Short of grabbing her phone out of her hands when it's unlocked and in use, I am not sure how I would get access to this. I haven't snooped around since late July and it definitely feels less stressful not to be doing that and wondering what I might find, but I'd also say I'm ready to move on if she's neck deep in something else. The only thing I'd add is that when I did snoop around her computer, I saw texts and Facebook messages to friends about things that never came to pass, like separating. "Believe none of what they say" and all that...

Again if you really want to know ask her to let you see her phone.

Gives me pause...makes me wonder if I'm getting too taken advantage of.

Of course you are being taken advantage of you are the LBS. In a relationship the one who cares the least is the one in control.

I know, dude, but what does that mean if I'm "in"? How do I cut off the cake-eating, now or when the time comes? Do I want to tell the kids mom and dad hit Splitsville because daddy suspected mommy was texting too much and acted on that? Remember how you said your wife's first EA was just with some lonely schlub down the street who was getting divorced? I suppose I should calmly tread water for a while longer while giving space.

You don't have to tread water. You go completely in the opposite direction. Everything is about Doug and the kids. EVERYTHING. Start a new hobby. I trained for a marathon and joined cross-fit. Read books on attraction. Sounds like you are already crushing it in the gym. I restarted when I was 50. you have 7 years on me. You can sacrifice a year and dedicate it to self improvement. Here is the truth of the matter. She is going to recommit to the marriage or she isn't. This is going to play itself out one way or another. I think keeping your family together is worth a year don't you?

Like Mach said you don't want to be sitting on that front porch rocking chair when you are 80 wondering what if you would have gave her more time to figure her $hit out.

I at times wasn't a very good husband and made my share of mistakes. I can honestly look my children in the eyes and say "I made mistakes for sure but I did everything in my power to make up for them and keep this family together". That I feel really good about at the end of the day.