Stuck in limbo III

[Doug54]

To be sure, W and I still live together, still talk every day (though not what I would necessarily call substantially), still sleep together.

Ok. I did this for a two and a half years and am still alive.

I still don't know how you did that when your wife was completely out and you knew it.

No. I would start to think about a drop dead date.

Probably next summer. A long way off to be sure, but we'll see if she's inclined to make her own move then with the pay bump from a new career.

She also inhales her phone every night from like 9-11 under the guise of "schoolwork." Yeah there's some computer work in that category that's legitimate, but there's also ample time and opportunity to be texting a dude.

I am sure that is what she is doing. If you want and need proof there are ways to find out.

I would be delighted to hear your suggestions. It is not straight-up texting, but clearly some app like Snapchat or What'sApp. Short of grabbing her phone out of her hands when it's unlocked and in use, I am not sure how I would get access to this. I haven't snooped around since late July and it definitely feels less stressful not to be doing that and wondering what I might find, but I'd also say I'm ready to move on if she's neck deep in something else. The only thing I'd add is that when I did snoop around her computer, I saw texts and Facebook messages to friends about things that never came to pass, like separating. "Believe none of what they say" and all that...

I stopped outwardly caring a while back, but again the amount of potential cake-eating without sunlight at the end of the tunnel gives me pause.

Pause for what?

Gives me pause...makes me wonder if I'm getting too taken advantage of.

You could have it a lot worse. Have you read about Peter B's wife?

That's a fair point.

You need to decide if you are in or you are out right now. Do you want to be able to tell your kids one day that you did everything you could to keep your family together?

I know, dude, but what does that mean if I'm "in"? How do I cut off the cake-eating, now or when the time comes? Do I want to tell the kids mom and dad hit Splitsville because daddy suspected mommy was texting too much and acted on that? Remember how you said your wife's first EA was just with some lonely schlub down the street who was getting divorced? I suppose I should calmly tread water for a while longer while giving space.