Yeah it was weird! I emailed my L to ask what I should do/wear/when I should show up and he said he/stbx's lawyer were talking behind the scenes and the date got moved, but on the plus side he said there was a chance we didn't have to go to court at all? He cc'd me on the email thread but honestly I struggle to make heads/tails of it.
I can't speak to Australia, but in America I think often the court date is a forcing-function on a compromise/agreement. No one wants to go to trial...not the plaintiff, defendant, lawyers, or judges - too much time and expense for something that's fairly dictated by statute anyway.
Originally Posted by Newborn
Bucket list is to scuba a shipwreck!! That's so cool you scuba! I've gone twice and it was fantastic.
I did an underwater ship in Grand Cayman but it was sunk on purpose - nothing too exotic. A dozen 6' long Black Tip Ocean Sharks off the coast of South Africa were incredible.
Originally Posted by Newborn
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Newborn
They'd go on family vacations multiple times per year: Italy, parts of the US, skiing, etc. I wasn't invited for about 6 years of this, including while we were engaged; it wasn't until we were married for a few years that I was invited.
For 6 years they went on family vacations - even while you were engaged - and didn't invite you? This is a major red flag. Lessons learned for the next relationship. Don't ever allow yourself to be treated as an outsider with someone you're committed to again.
Correct. And I agree - stbx used to get upset when I'd get upset about it; "that's not how my family works". I still remember how upset he was when I wasn't super excited to talk to him after he returned from Europe (we were engaged and he was living at my family's house at the time).
Bizarre, and should've been more concerning to you. Next time. Who knows if it really was his family that didn't want you, or if he just told you that and it was him - either way major red flag.
I don't know why I'm struggling with quotes today! Sorry BL for making you slog through my formatting.
Court date: I'm in the US, and agreed - thats what it seems like.
Travel: Yeah, I think it was mostly his mom, but I think in some ways he liked to have his family time. He and I were always really careful to have our own lives as well outside the relationship, but he did seem to sometimes prioritize others. He has this habit of glorifying or idealizing other people in a way that gets extreme. It's really hard to fully describe on here.
When he'd get mad about me being upset about the travel, I used to tell him how my friends all thought it was super bizarre and not ok, and he would then get even MORE mad about me being basically impressionable enough to get upset because of my friends saying it was weird. Our MC eventually told him it was easier for me to bring up that other people thought it was weird as well and it's more comfortable saying an outside perspective said it was weird than me, which tbh was another huge red flag - how I felt like I needed validation from others all the time. Of course that's on me too, I'll often seek validation from others for many reasons, but still.
Tbh BL42 I did call him back and apologize about the comment about vacations bc truly the conversaiton wasn't supposed to be about me. We had a 40 min chat about lots of stuff, including prior travel together, and the baby, and his cousin's wedding he had invited me to but I can't go to.
I think I wonder if he really is like a MLC/wayward husband? I mean it seems like everyone else's ex was just kind of super mean or distant, ex was at BD#1 but now seems basically...friendly but distant kind of? I dont' know if anyone else had exes that were sometimes bringing up happy things but still seeming like they don't care whatsoever if I move on/we get divorced.
