On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.
Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
I spent the time between our court appearance and the finalization date vacillating wildly between hoping my husband would stop the madness and bracing myself for the day the D would be final if he didn't. I have to ask you, LH, really, why would someone doing that surprise you at all? There are many people who don't want to be divorced but by the same token don't stand in the way of their spouse moving on. I think you termed that unconditional love in another post on another thread?
And for some, the issue is the marriage still being legal. Maybe not you or others here, but some do have that issue, myself among them. I wouldn't be comfortable at all dating someone before the ink is dry, because I've observed over the years both IRL and here that no matter how much time has passed and how checked out of the marriage someone is, that final date is a crossing of the Rubicon which always brings up a lot of feelings which need to be sorted before moving on with someone else in a healthy way. I don't want to be someone's fallout or collateral damage, nor do I want to be involved in someone else's relationship on any level, however tangential.
Also, it speaks volumes about a person that they put themselves on a dating site that soon. What about being alone and sorting yourself out without involving or potentially hurting someone else? That's not someone I would be comfortable dating.
Can you guys see the difference here ? I'm not talking about a moral issue, I'm talking about risk assessment for my own heart.
And if it is a moral issue for someone, then what about respecting differences? There are ways to do so which leave both parties learning and growing from the experience. That did not happen in this case.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
