Well, I thought the divorce was supposed to happen Monday, but apparent stbx didn't tell me the court date got moved. I had taken the day off anyway so went snorkelling where the ocean was the most beautiful I've seen possibly ever - completely clear, gorgeous out. I went alone so didn't venture too far out but the water was fantastic.
I went out again with a couple friends today and had stbx babysit. He sees the baby maybe once per week or two for a couple hours. The poor little guy has been teething horribly and just crying and crying but with periods of calm and happy in between.
I got back and showered; the baby was crying in his high chair so I had stbx hold him as I fed him some sweet pureed baby food and he finally ate a bit. I tried to start cooking lunch for myself. I told him I was surprised at how much his mom had used negative words around the baby: She said he made "pathetic noises" and told him to stop being dramatic when he was crying in his high chair. To a baby!
STBX agreed that she needs to cut it out witht he negative language and I told him I hadn't realized how toxic she had been growing up; I mentioned how I thought they'd had a perfect family, and was pretty much used to their whole family hanging out and going on vacations (without inviting me). They'd go on family vacations multiple times per year: Italy, parts of the US, skiing, etc. I wasn't invited for about 6 years of this, including while we were engaged; it wasn't until we were married for a few years that I was invited. Stbx was silent as I mentioned that and then I realized how selfish I must have sounded saying that I'd thought they'd had this perfect family life and wouldn't invite me on vacations.
Stbx was going to leave anyway, but the baby started crying while I was cooking so I asked if he could check on the baby. I felt like I should call him back to apologize.
But then it's like - no, his mom was toxic, but he never had told me. And he never stood up for me either. And I'm dealing with a poorly sleeping baby crying all the time and I get 4 hrs of help from the baby's dad. So why am I allowing him all this emotional control?
I wish I could just be indifferent as he seems to be toward me.
