Today my D turned 15 years old. I cannot believe that she is 15 . I stayed up last night and decorated because she still loves waking up to her balloons and fan fare. Her dad and I were supposed to take her to dinner tonight, but instead he brought dinner to us and we hung out, ate, played cards, and had cake. I know certain people want to make fun of me for doing this . But it’s her birthday, it makes her happy and I’m fine with it. The only thing that hit me a bit was this morning when I sent a picture to him he said “ I can’t believe beautiful OUR daughter is. He’s never called her our daughter. I guess it’s always been my daughter and his daughter. For 14 years and 6 months we have been raising her separately. Not like the husband and wife who went through IVF to have their baby. Just 2 people who each have a kid who happens to be the same kid. But that feeling I got over super fast. Tomorrow night is dinner with my dad and his wife and her bestie.
I was thinking about a back and forth on another posters thread about how there is a “wrong” way and a “right” way to date. I don’t think that’s true. And just because I am single doesn’t mean I’m “wrong” honestly, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. For a few years now I went on a lot of first and second dates that went no where. Just dating. No chance to even “mess” things up. These people weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them. I called myself “exclusive” after a few dates with someone. Big deal. I didn’t date anyone else at the same time. Certainly wasn’t down the downfall. I didn’t commit to him. No love lost. For some people, they can focus on a bunch of people. Other people can’t and it clouds their feelings. All of us are different and none of us are wrong. Some of us are just mean.
I am single. I am single not because I’m bad at dating or violating “rules” I am single because I haven’t found my match. Is it a longer period of time than everyone else? Sure. But I never had 50:50 custody or parents who could help or a conventional job. I literally couldn’t date for so long. No, I never had a night in shining armor swoop in and want to love me and my daughter. It didn’t happen. And not because I’m broken or I date wrong” simply because it didn’t happen. I will likely be single for at least the next few years or even perhaps forever. But in my heart I know it’s not because I’m defective. I’m great just as I am. Always room to improve but I am really happy with who I am, how I treat others , and I am getting better at treating myself the way I truly deserve
