HELP! Late withdrawal help clarification

[BL42]

Samoy,

Are you working with a L? What are the unresolved items still at issue in the divorce?

The D is in the lawyer's hands. Almost done. No lawyer. No kids. Spousal support.

I'm still not clear here. You say "The D is in the lawyer's hands", but also "No lawyer". If you have not reviewed the terms with a lawyer that's specifically representing YOU (and not H) I would strongly recommend you do. If for nothing else as a peace of mind you're getting a fair deal under the law. No kids makes it simpler. No custody or child support to address. Are you sure the level of spousal support is appropriate under the law? What about assets? Are you getting half the equity in the house, cars, furniture, savings/checking/investments/retirement accounts?

Are you in IC?

Not sure what IC is.

Abbreviations
IC = Individual Counseling.

Why do you think his side is sabotaging your marriage and don't want him to reconcile with you?

They destroyed his first marriage. A bunch of toxic feminity. A few women who see my h as their husband and anyone who he loves is a threat to their "marriage." The sister did something really sick that showed me that she is his "real" wife. Her plan is for him and her to live together eventually.

If I say exactly what, then they will know. She ended her relationship with her boyfriend because she put my h above him. NUTS. I can go on.

You don't need to get into specifics. You're saying his sister and some of his female friends see themselves as married to him, and don't want him to have a W? If that is the case, will that EVER change going forward? Or would they always have this dynamic?

What was your contribution to the demise of the marriage? What areas do you need to work on in relationships?

My contribution was my communication skills SUCKED! I also didn't have my finances together.

So the two areas you've identified and are working on are: communication and finances?

My desire is to understand MORE about what's going on with my H.

Understood. But what I'm saying is don't bother. ONLY spend your energy on you.

I was angry at him for a long time.

Do you think that anger influenced your relationship?

When I found out about MLC, empathy set in. I have empathy, with boundaries.

Empathy and boundaries are good. What are your boundaries?

I am working on and focusing on myself.

Good. But...sounds like you're also spending a lot of time analyzing your H.

I believe he's in Late Withdrawal.

I almost thought he was on suspension for over a year

I saw him re-engage recently, it was a struggle. I saw it.

After our trial, he monstered me with a fear of mine and boundary.

Again, whether he's in "Late Withdrawal" or "Suspension" or "Monstering" whatever phase of MLC you think he may be is no relevant to what you should be doing. Stop spending time diagnosing him.

I am here to understand him and what he's going through.

What I'm recommending is don't waste your time on this. Instead focus on:

I am working on me, forging on.

Good! That's the only thing you should be doing.