I don't know how to reply like you did. Here goes.
I wouldn't spend time analyzing your husband and worrying about what stage he's in and what the turn around time is for change. Think LONG term. "It's a marathon not a sprint". It doesn't matter how you label him. It's his journey and you can't change it. Let him go, focus on yourself, and maybe he'll come back in the future.
I asked a bunch of questions above; your answers don't need to be specific enough that others would identify you:
Are you working with a L? What are the unresolved items still at issue in the divorce? Are you in IC? Why do you think his side is sabotaging your marriage and don't want him to reconcile with you? What was your contribution to the demise of the marriage? What areas do you need to work on in relationships?
The D is in the lawyer's hands. Almost done. No lawyer. No kids. Spousal support. Not sure what IC is. They destroyed his first marriage. A bunch of toxic feminity. A few women who see my h as their husband and anyone who he loves is a threat to their "marriage." The sister did something really sick that showed me that she is his "real" wife. Her plan is for him and her to live together eventually.
If I say exactly what, then they will know. She ended her relationship with her boyfriend because she put my h above him. NUTS. I can go on.
My contribution was my communication skills SUCKED! I also didn't have my finances together. I kept my mouth shut when I saw messiness with his world that would jeopardize us and him.
I am a better communicator. I am learning how to effectively use "I, You, and We/us" well. I put up boundaries to the foolery and shenanigans and he flipped out over the advice from the coven fully threw him into MLC.
My finances are getting better.
My desire is to understand MORE about what's going on with my H. I was angry at him for a long time. When I found out about MLC, empathy set in. I have empathy, with boundaries.
I am working on and focusing on myself. From the start, I knew this was something about him before I knew about MLC.
I believe he's in Late Withdrawal. He changed his pattern. He's been gone for over 2 weeks. This is unusual for him. He was almost nonexistent at work, coasting and making mistakes. I saw in step up in a video at work to engage with his peers. He was almost on the fringe of work culture.
I almost thought he was on suspension for over a year, he was almost extinct with connecting with functions that were the norm.
I saw him re-engage recently, it was a struggle. I saw it.
After our trial, he monstered me with a fear of mine and boundary. I didn't react. So far he's backed off when he was speeding up the process to push my boundaries and make me emotionally unsafe. The coven, for the first time, came around our home. I killed them with kindness.
I think I answered your questions. I am here to understand him and what he's going through. I am working on me, forging on.
