Wolfman moving forward 3

[Dawn70]

Mach- first I am not playing martyr. I am explaining what is going on. Looking for support and advice. I don’t have anyone close to me I trust. So, I come here. You asked if I have explained to her what I feel and when she says or does certain things how it makes me feel. It gets me nowhere. She either doesn’t listen or has excuses. Example:She is very busy throughout the day, the baby, cleaning and cooking. I get it. Once in a while I like to show her I love her and appreciate her, so, while she is let’s say washing dishes, I will come up behind her and put my arms around her and kiss her on the cheek. She will either get annoyed or tell me she is busy not right now. Ok I understand. At night then (not the same day) I will wait till she gets in bed when she is no longer busy. I will go over and start to kiss her and she will say she is tired. So I explained to her, when she does that I feel neglected, I feel like I don’t matter and I am at the bottom of her list. That the home is more important, cleaning is more important. I explain when I come up behind her I am not looking to take up a lot of her time. A simple reciprocal kiss and that is it. Not pushing me away. She will get defensive and say if she stops things won’t get done, and that she is tired and she just wants to finish. I said I understand you are very busy and everything you do is tiresome. I even ask how can I help take some of the burden off? She would just say she doesn’t have time and how tired she is all the time. Then I asked when is there us time? She responded I don’t know. So Mach, I do explain what she does and how it makes me feel, it doesn’t change anything.

To just support what Ginger said, it sounds like you try physical “moves” to show her love and when she doesn’t reciprocate, you feel rejected and then you make it about your feelings and how she rejected you. To agree with what LH said, if physical touch isn’t her thing, what you are doing is about as effective as spitting in the wind. Ask her how she feels and then listen. I kind of see the same thing Mach does…the martyr thing, because you always seem to turn situations to how you feel or how they effect you. Like LH said, take the lead and just do stuff for her without first asking her what she wants you to do. If you are unsure what to do, pay close attention to what she is doing then jump in. Call her up on your way home from work and tell her to relax and not worry about dinner because you are picking something up, then grab some carry out that she enjoys. Bring it home, set the table, fix her plate, ask how her day was, wait on her and let her just relax and LISTEN to her when she tells you about her day. Don’t automatically cut her off to tell her about your day or to complain about how tired you are. Of course you are, but she doesn’t need to hear it in that moment.