Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out (3)

[BL42]

You are not at piecing. You are still at the busting phase.

Yes for sure. Just that she has told me things like "you need to figure out how to repair this relationship". I have taken this as coming out of confusion rather than an intention and then a decision to repair.

Remember to believe nothing she says. Actions over words. She's likely confused or conflicted herself, or it might be a manipulation to keep you hooked. Keep working on yourself...attraction, interactions, physical appearance...etc.[/quote]

she needs to *fully believe* that you've changed...

She does not believe I have changed permanently.

This is not something she's going to believe overnight. You have to dedicate yourself to making changes over the long haul. 10 years of the same behavior vs. a couple weeks or months of the new behavior...it takes time.

...and that you're not doing it just to get her back.

She has apparently realized I am doing it for myself rather than for her. She appears quite agitated about it ("... but you are making changes for yourself not for me").

The best way to ensure your changes are permanent to to authentically want them for yourself. If you're doing it for others more likely it won't last. Don't worry about whether she says she thinks they're for you or her - you change for you and sustain those changes.