The three biggest things she's dealing with right now are fear and uncertainty about the future, guilt for what she's doing to you and your son, and anger and resentment over your role in pushing her to this point.
.... .... ....
In order to turn this around she needs to *fully believe* that you've changed, and that you're not doing it just to get her back.
How do you convince her of that?
(1) Repetition, lots and lots of repetition in terms of reacting differently, acting differently, than you have historically.
(2) Acting differently when no one is looking
(3) Finding a life for your new self that doesn't require her. That's the only way you make it credible that your changes are for you. She won't even see them until she believes that you don't need her.
This has to be one of the great posts on DB forum. It should be archived. Thanks for summarizing pretty much every aspect of DB.
Originally Posted by LH19
she needs to *fully believe* that you've changed...
She does not believe I have changed permanently.
Originally Posted by LH19
...and that you're not doing it just to get her back.
She has apparently realized I am doing it for myself rather than for her. She appears quite agitated about it ("... but you are making changes for yourself not for me").
