Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out (3)

[PeterB]

One thing she keeps telling me is - 'I do not trust you at all'. Little does she know that the feeling is mutual.

A place to truth dart "reverse babble" her "I understand the lack of trust". One of Coaches tactics that helped get his wife back. I believe this may be used sparingly. The goal is to reduce her resentment. not fuel it.

Can you explain what is a 'truth dart' and 'reverse babble'? The statement - "I understand the lack of trust" sounds like validation, which is something I am already doing.

"you are just an option for me" in front of my son.

There are so many ways to respond to this. One of my mantras "The one who reacts emotionally first looses". I would flips this and use humor with a "Don't be so sure". Definitely with a twinkle in my eye. You are a man with options and you are vetting her.

I had responded - "I am not going to be an option" (note, no humor). She ended up saying "you are so full of yourself" .

I had told her several times not to bring up this topic in front of my son but she repeatedly does it - basically no regard at all for what I said. I enforced my boundary and left the space.

Telling her how to behave is controlling behavior. Do more work in this area.

Let me correct myself. The exact words I use are, "I am not going to discuss this topic in front of our son". I never told her to check her words.

"you are not owning up to your problems"

Can you come up with a good response?

I answered to this as - I have owned up to my own issues and my mistakes - I know I have made many. You asked me this many times and I have answered it similarly every time. So, I am probably not going to respond again (this last bit because I think she is deliberately trying to insult/annoy me by saying it repeatedly - a pattern she consistently demonstrated through the years).