Well. Life has been very busy and is only Getting busier. Some days I don’t know which end is up. I’m not sleeping, which is not good, I hope that gets better soon. It’s really just a lot on my mind right now keeping me awake. So many moving parts and changes and it hurts my brain.
So I found out yesterday the other assistant manager at my job is moving to FL. The good part about that is my new boss asked me if I would rather manage what I have been hired for ( utilization review piece) or take the discharge planner role. Discharge planning is definitely my strong suit and I find it way more interesting, ( lots of problem solving, which I’m good at) so I chose that. The bad news is, management of that department is all new, including my boss ( I know her from my current hospital, but she’s new to the role). Work will be a challenge, but I’m ready for it.
I went out the other night for another nurse leaving on my unit and it was a lot of fun. Such a great crew. Everyone’s favorite doctor came out and I told him I was leaving as well and he said “ all the smart funny people are leaving” they will still invite me out, I know it. I also believe my coworkers are planning something me on the 21st.
I decided to take a break from social media. It’s been good. I realized I am just always scrolling and some things I see sometimes seriously just doesn’t make me feel good. I am busy for sure, but at night I’m lonely for adult company. And sadly enough, social media doesn’t make you feel so alone. It’s like someone else there. It’s pathetic, but it’s true. But I’m too addicted to mindlessly scrolling. So it’s gone for now. Might just log on to give my D a happy birthday on the gram. She likes that. So, I went to the book store, decided to focus on reading again, it was always my favorite relaxing hobby. Lots of projects around the house to do when I have energy. I just need to get back to basics .
Lots of other deep thinking lately at 2am. I wish more than anything I didn’t care about being single. About not having that kind of intimacy in my life. I don’t want to want it anymore. But I am just human and it’s been tooooooo many years and I miss the Emotional intimacy so much. But I’m not finding it, and I’m becoming emotionally wrecked as I try to find it. I’m working on accepting I may not get it. It has not been easy. But I don’t really have a other choice . Some days carrying everything is just too much alone. I’ve been crying more often than I care too.
I have a friend at work who is divorced for like 5 years now. She has a boyfriend of nearly 2 years, but they haven’t involved their kids and don’t see eachother often . Her ex husband keeps going back to drugs. She is raising 2 daughters alone. One is pretty ungrateful. And she just puts those kids before anything all the time. We decided we are going to move in together, lol. We were joking around, but seriously, it would be awesome. More single parents should move in together. My D used to watch a Tv show on the Disney channel like that, and it just made so much sense .
D will be 15 next week. I am amazed I made it this far, lol. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it.
