Peter, I've heard fantasies from some who didn't reach piecing that their ex would beg for it. That doesn't match my reality or most situations I've read, but when you're at that stage their desire is obvious and they're making it happen. You don't have to guess.
Yeah I don't expect her to beg. Actually I don't think she is reasonable enough atm to even calmly ask an exploratory question like, "How will you repair this R?". Last night she said she wants to talk and then she went off like a pressure cooker, repeating the same accusations like "you are fake", "you are dismissive", "you have not taken responsibility" and so on. My words and actions after BD have been quite contradictory to these but she says them anyway, no doubt to insult me. Overall the conversation style is truly bizarre, I have no way to properly describe it.
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It sounds like she's currently in more of an uncertain stage where she's considering what she wants to do with her life but you expect that to change. May opted for Discernment Therapy at this point.
I am too busy with GAL to even consider discernment therapy. It will be a waste of my time given her current mental disposition. If she can keep her anger and nastiness down then I may consider. I am fine if serves the papers.
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The good news, if you get to piecing, you don't need to build trust in a day. That's a common concern! It typically returns but can take months or years of consistent behavior.
Love this point. One thing she keeps telling me is - 'I do not trust you at all'. Little does she know that the feeling is mutual.
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You should consider what you require for piecing. No requirements are a common cause of failure here. When sneakiness is involved--I can't recall if your W told you it was over before sleeping with OM--a common requirement is access to her cell phone, e-mail accounts, etc... and not vice-versa. That would help you rebuild trust that the sneakyism is over.
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Hence this discussion. She never told me about the OM and has flatly lied yesterday - I told her that I have preconditions to any work towards R - "... this is not an exhaustive list but I need you to reduce your anger as nothing can be solved within anger, you need to be respectful, not throw insults at me and you cannot have another man as an option". She replied - "there was never any man and you are making me want to puke because you are dismissing all your responsibility and blaming everything on me".
Later she actually had the indecency to tell me "you are just an option for me" in front of my son. I had told her several times not to bring up this topic in front of my son but she repeatedly does it - basically no regard at all for what I said. I enforced my boundary and left the space.
