HELP! Late withdrawal help clarification

[BL42]

I know he still loves me. I feel his love. He's having an affair with someone on his job. He's had other affairs.

This isn’t love, honey. You deserve better. Ask yourself why you think a guy who cheats on you repeatedly is the partner you want?

One thing I don't think I'll ever forget...I called up our MC after my now-ExW admitted the affair and said she wanted a divorce (only the 3rd session we had) and she said to me: "You should think about what it is about you that you'd want to be with someone who betrayed you." That really stuck with me.

We are waiting for the judge to make her decision then it is a wrap.

What is there to decide? Just the amount of alimony? That should be straightforward I'd imagine, no? It's usually a formula in the law. Is there a lot to disagree on? You said no kids and no marital property?

I tried as long as i can in hopes he will come out. He has not, yet.

It's time to let go. You're trying to hold on as much as possible, but you can't control it. Only letting go will give you freedom.

We, my dogs and I, have to move out soon. This is his house. My heart aches.

That's hard. Sorry.

actually his family is pressuring him to do things that will drive me out.

He and his family has done things to provoke me.

In most of these cases family sticks together regardless of who's the bad party but often feel at least sympathetic to the other person. Why do you think his family is so against you?

I feel so alone as ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING THROUGH THIS IN SOME FORM. I have no one to lean on to heal or feel safe.

I am all alone in this valley. I have no one to turn to. NO ONE.

I don't understand. Are you saying everyone you know is going through a divorce?

I have done no contact. When he moved out I did not beg, follow or search him out. I do not reach out to him.

Good.

I wrote him 4 letters that told my hurt over the time that all of this started and that is it.

You've said your peace. Now it's time to let go and move forward.

I feel lost! My dad and uncles passed. I lost my husband and now i lost the one person who had my back since my 20s. I feel lost! I feel scared!

That's a lot. Sorry Samoy. Hang in there.

I do not know if OW is still around. I think he was messing up at work and he was or still is placed on suspension, working or put to the side.

The summer is his time to shine at his job. He runs the conventions. He was not in ONE picture at any of the conventions. He is usually present. I realized that his work phone has been radio silent this entire year. NOT usual.

LOTS of focus here on H's work and speculation on his job performance and OW. It's hard, but try to ignore it - that's his problem now. Focus on you.

His last convention, OW's been traveling with him. He added her to one of his cards. He rips up his bills and throws them away in the garbage. I saw their vacays.

If he's using martial funds to pay for vacations with OW in many places you can recoup that money as part of the divorce. Did you save records and inform your attorney???

I believe something happened at that convention. I think someone pulled his coat/card HARD. He ran to the backyard to take a call after that person called 3-4 times.

He was home for an entire week! a few weeks ago then 4 days this week. He took one zoom call. His work phone is still silent. It used to RING AALL THE TIME.

His boss and others, his "best friend/work wife" even have him at arm's length. They were attached at the hip. He helped her get a promotion that sent her flying and now he is nowhere near her.

It appears she's left him or separated herself from him because of whatever is going on or went on.

OW works in his company in a subordinate role.

I saw one picture of them and she was seated with the power brokers in the company with people around them. My husband who used to sit with those people was AT THE EDGE of the picture. FAR AWAY FROM HER.

So something is going on at work and something happened at that convention that made him run home to hide.

Again, lots of focus on HIM and his employment and OW. What about you?

He also did not pay all of his part of the court fees. That is not like him. He's on it.

That's his problem now. Not yours. "Not your monkey, not your circus."

we are married 13 years. We are at the end. We do not have kids, or joint property only alimony.

Wouldn't any funds (checking, savings, 401k, IRA, house equity...etc) be martial property? Hope you're working with a lawyer to get what you're entitled to?

I am hoping he pops out. I sense he trying. He's sparking here and there.

Hope for the best but plan for the worst. He's most likely not going to all of a sudden change on a dime. Think LONG TERM, if at all.

The people who are pulling to keep us apart are pressuring him to end this already. they are scared he'll back out and reconcile.

If he's the one having affairs, why do you think they're scared he'll reconcile? What is your part in the demise of the marriage?

I do not know. When I see this month's credit card, I will know, if he opens it. He didn't open last month's bill. The only bill. He gave her a card.

Something happened/went down at his last convention that sent him running home. I do not know.

Again, if your H is spending money on vacations or gifts or giving OW a credit card there's a good chance you can recoup that money in the divorce. Your incomes and retirement accounts are typically marital property. Make sure your L is well aware of what's going on and has documentation to support it. I trust you're working with an L???