G - You’re doing great. But I look forward to the day when your natural response to the men you’re dating is not “will he like me?” but “is he worthy of me?”
Like you, I’m a nurturer, and I had a history of pursuing unavailable men. I thought my exH was the exception, as he pursued me in the beginning, but I was mistaken. It probably would have been better for that relationship if I had expected more from him.
CMM taught me what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who was putting in the same effort as I was. I want that for you. Someone who delights in you and treats you like a goddess. Someone who returns the care and effort you put into a relationship. But to have that, you have to believe that you are worth it, and need to turn your attention away from those unavailable men.
Thank you. I really really do believe I am worth the effort I put in. It’s half the reason why I’m still single. I haven’t found it yet. And it’s not because I’m not worth it. I am. And I do believe it.
I was chatting with my friend at work, she says “ I don’t understand why you are still single. You are just an awesome person. I said part jokingly, part serious , “ most men just can’t handle my level of awesomeness. And that is also kind of true. I am a tall order. I won’t minimize myself anymore. I think I can be a bit intimidating.
In other news…… I feel like I’m moving away from my family across the country. My work peeps are like my family. People are actually really sad I’m leaving. I’m really sad too. I can’t quite explain it, but when my ex left, work was the only place I felt normal. It was a different job at the time, but I was close with my coworkers. That was always the chance I had to be around other adults. Work. When you have a baby at home and no adults every come home, work is a refuge.
Same now. Work, my friends there, they are my constant. I don’t have much family and I don’t have any adults that come home to me. We have gotten really really really close. I’m really going to miss seeing these people every day. And well, speak of validation, I am humbled by how many people are truly upset I won’t be there anymore.
I know it seems stupid to make such a big deal out of a job. But my work has always been much more than a job to me, like I explained. Work is my family, I know that might sound sad, but it’s true. And nurses, well, we have a special bond. I am sure these friendships will continue.
Next weekend I am going to a beer fest with / work friends. Looking forward to that. I have dinner plans. Another nurse on the floor is leaving and we are going out Wednesday. I think they are planning something for me as well.
And D’s Bday is coming . The day the 3 of us spend together. I’m happy this year it’s a weekday so it’s really just a dinner . Not a day of activity and dinner. I just have barely looked him in the eye since this all happened .
Nothing planned for the holiday weekend. I’m cool with that. I’m D’s chauffeur tomorrow and she babysits tomorrow night and is with her dad Sunday through halfway Monday. Because school is Tuesday and I have to do straighten her hair, lol. A sophomore, lord help me.
BL- no she isn’t dating yet. She does have a very slight interest in boys, but she is such an innocent kid. At 15, the thought of alcohol and drugs are evil and she hasn’t even held hands with a boy. And she is a really beautiful girl ( I might be a little biased). I maybe have another year to go before I really have to worry. She’s all about friends and I’m happy with that. The friend she went to the carnival with tonight is a very smart sweet girl who’s parents are rich and both doctors and very into her studies. Thank god. I think the universe knows I couldn’t handle crazy teenage antics
