I agree with some of your observations. I think what you describe USED to be me. Not so much anymore. I learned a lot and changed a lot, especially since that guy way back when.
Truth be told, I never dated. I married the first guy I did and that wasn’t even normal dating. Then throw a single mother into the dating world for the first time, coming out of a toxic/relationship marriage. Can you say complicated?!? At the internet, social media, this forum, and I never had a clue. And I’ve learned as I have went along.
I spent a lot of time making sure my ex was “happy” spending time with his friends and his likes. I didn’t really know how to be a “girlfriend” how to maintain yourself and build a relationship. I think I’ve gotten pretty good at maintaining myself. Since M, I haven’t sacrificed myself. I haven’t lost my values. I haven’t “left” myself. I am not abandoning my values. Im not trying to be “lovable “ anymore. Im just very guarded. I come off as bitchy because I don’t want to let anyone in. Or I have thoughts from other voices saying red flag, red flag! This is perfect, that isn’t perfect, run or protect yourself!” I used to give way too much grace to flaws, now I give barely any and that’s bad. Im freaked out by what I see and encounter out there, TBH.
And I would like to speak to the SC situation. I have a fatal flaw, that’s for sure. I still have to an extent. Not being able to say “no” I say yes to everything . Some of it is Overcommiting myself so I can find a way to make everything happen so that everyone is happy. I still do it. I don’t know how to say no. Or I am scared too. So I apologize for that. It’s not fair to others. We just wanted to get down there and back. Not because he wanted to and I was going along with him. It was also because I wanted to. Also, I have fear of introducing guys to friends. I have a fear of introducing them and they are gone. Actually, that particular guy had a problem with the fact I never brought him around my friends. So yea, still actively working on saying “no” when I truly can’t make something happen, instead of trying to fit everything in.
I am much much better. I really am. I don’t give much of myself to anyone anymore and it’s hurting me. Not as much as giving everything . But I have actually overcompensated.
My morals and values are intact. I don’t give myself up to anyone or anything anymore. I really don’t. I used to, that’s for sure.
I haven’t lost me. I used to think I am a fake cause of my low self esteem. I’m the social world and world , I’m respected and very well- liked . My brain would say “ how can that be? “ now it says “it’s because you are you and you are a pretty cool stand -up smart person” I can make friends nearly anywhere I go. And it’s not because I’m someone I am not. It’s because it’s who I am
