I have to be totally honest here. I am not exactly sure what you are saying. That I’m trying to be someone I’m not in order to be “lovable?” I come off as closed off because I try to play down the full version of me ?
I'm not saying you are trying to be somebody you aren't.
I'm saying that you spend an exorbitant amount of time worrying about whether you are loveable or not to the person that you are with.
Enough that you sacrifice your own thoughts and values in that process..
You become 'closed' off to yourself, and instead of just being you...
You twist yourself into something that you are not....
>>>Example<<<
A few years back....
You and your new BF were driving down to SC. We had talked about it, and you had said that you wanted to stop and grab a coffee with me and K...You were gonna text when you were close and we were going to meet.
Everything was what we discussed right up to the point where I didn't hear from you for another 2 weeks.
When I asked you if you were at least okay, you responded with ...
Well, BF didn't want to do this, and he wanted to do that. I'm sorry we didn't stop, cause I really wanted to meet up.
Where were you, if you really wanted to ?
When K asked if I had heard from you, I told her no.
Her response was...
Well, She's getting laid now, so we might not hear from her for a while... : )
Now...
I don't need an answer for that, and I am in no way pi$$ed about it not happening...
It's just an example about how this goes for you.
And when I say that you are closed off, it's because....
You close yourself off from you....
You shut down your values and your view of yourself, and allow the relationship to define who you are.
And you seek that approval, and validation that you are still you, because you gave yourself away,...
And when 'you' are gone, you question whether or not you are loveable....
And in that process, you want your partner to validate that you are loveable, and reassure you that you are loveable..
When all of that, needs to project FROM you, not him projecting it onto you....
How many times over the years, when you start dating someone, have I given you the same advice ??
Just be YOU...
Don't define it, or name what it is...
Just be YOU....
What did you think that I meant when I said that ????
