It has been a while, I will need to catch up on situations here.
Well, let’s see, I last posted after Thanksgiving. I reread my post and it is interesting to see my frame of mind back then to now. I honesty think I am running down the clock.
H is still here. He lives in the other bedroom. Sometimes I see him, mostly I do not. In the last few months, his job location is now about a 35-45 minute drive one way. So many days, I go to work and come home and make dinner and clean up the kitchen before he walks in. When he does walk in, he may or may not say hi and then hole up in the bedroom.
His behavior does not make me as sad as before. I have had lots of therapy and I know that I will be ok on my own if that is what ends up happening. If there is OW, I can’t find obvious evidence like I did with the other two. So I do not know what he is doing, and honestly, I just take care of me.Do I want a divorce? No. But, I have slowly come to the realization, that there would need to be so much for a R to happen, I just don’t see how.
An interesting development for me at work, i work for a married couple. They’ve been married appx 30 years. Earlier this year, the husband came into the office (after I had left) and told the wife he was in love with someone and did not want to be married anymore. He told her the gambit of all of the things we can hear with a BD. It was completely out of left field. It affected her horribly. She has always been a little standoffish, but she also is my boss, so part of that may be her authority. I like my job nice enough and I felt bad that this happened. I have still to this day, not told either one of them about my own going now over three years situation. I didn’t because I know if I was having an off day, (before their BD) she would more than likely blame my home life and me being distracted.
After seeing how she was after BD and comparing to how I worked through so much without them knowing, I am Wonder Woman. Any way, the husband called me and talked to me about what happened, and told me he knew it was wrong. I appreciated his candor. I have worked for him long enough to tell him, what he did was wrong, but we need to get through this. I then did not see him in the office, (construction firm) for a few months while he worked away so I could work when the wife was there. during this time, she opened up, cried, and displayed a lot of anguish. I have helped her regain her strength, and listened when i could. She started to become a friend. She began telling me of how he was so rude to her. I believed it. This was my friend. She was wronged. Then as their divorce progressed, ( she immediately filed a week after BD) he needed to work at the office with me on finances. We have discovered over $250K she has taken from the business. She is extremely crafty on what she is doing. They have hired a forensic accountant for the business and now personal finances are being brought in and she is spiraling. I was threatened by her that “ you do not want to get involved, it will be messy”. She has expressed that I have betrayed her because I have worked at the office with him. So I have requested to not work with her anymore. In the last few weeks of trying to be neutral and realize that this situation is horrible for all involved, she has really made it hard to be compassionate. He has not touched one penny, he takes a paycheck and is paying his bills with it. She is taking her paychecks and is still trying to funnel so much through the business, plus the moving around of funds.
I will say, H being a ghost in the house is wayyy better than this strife. It has been three years of limbo and I do not think I felt so anxious then when I have to go to work. For anyone asking why I am still there, I am looking for other employment!
Anyway, that is my update, H is still here, so am I and I am working on a plan for me just in case.
