Hahahaha! Yes, I still stand by that poster who I see through no matter how much smoke other people blow up his arse. Noticed he disappeared And addressed nothing ? Yup.
Whether or not someone can walk the walk from their talking...
There is still a plethora of information that is now missing....
I hope said poster returns and does the 'for better or worse' of posting here....
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I’m here and I can address the truth. And you are right ( I am one of those people who can see others view points) my need for validation in areas of being afraid have failure has spilled over a bit. I do not need a guy to validate me to raise my self esteem. I am sure of that. Do I feel like sometimes I think given my track record SOMETHING must be making me undatable or unlovable? Absolutely. I have dug deep to figure out what is so “wrong “ with me. I’ve bettered myself and recognized my faults . Then I actually recognized I am still a lovable Woman WITH my faults . Which are plenty. But it’s getting better. For a good amount of time , I figured something HAS to be wrong with me. But I’m slowly realizing no, that my worth isn’t tied to someone being able to love me or want to choose me.
As far as why I am closed off? While I don’t need the approval of another man? I guess I take the defensive route ( old habit from ex) and close myself off so he can’t reject me because of me. Because while it used to be so easy for me to be vulnerable, now it’s incredibly hard for these reasons.
So I won’t prove you wrong. And the longer I go on this path of it being “loved” by a romantic partner. The harder it becomes to keep my resolve of appreciating I am not unlovable or there is something inherently wrong with me. You are right. It’s not a normal validation I need. It’s a validation that I all my hard work is legit .
I’ll always appreciate rAw honesty. Thank you my friend.
Loveable, is subjective in terms....and only interpreted by the "reader"
What you may feel as loveable, future perspective partners may not...
It's the acceptance of that , that matters...
And that's where you seem to have issues.
The seeking of approval, that your version of loveable is acceptable, is where the conflict seems to lie.
And the contortionist act to blend in and BE accepted steals your mojo.
And that comes through in an intimate setting as a lack of confidence from you.
Yes, you may know it and recognize that, but how deeply do you feel that and project that confidence ?
And until you address the root of the weed, it's always gonna grow back...
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am achieving my goals. And I realized how bad a$$ I am. I achieved most things in life against the odds. Nothing ever came to me easy and it was always with struggle and minimal support. Not many people can say that. And k am so proud of me. And my hope is my daughter sees one day all I have accidentally pushed when the odds were against me . A mother in and out of rehabs and mental institutions? My mother having a breakdown when my dad left the marriage when I was 17 and went back to her hard drug use! Yeah, this was to my choice in my ex. But I should be some drug addict right now. It instead I’m a stable mom for my daughter with a career who beats the odds . And that’s a lot to be proud of. And I am. There were so many days when I wished a I was dead. I kid you not. But here I am, alive. And not failing at life.
Good place for a shovel right there.....
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My love life doesn’t define me anymore.
I disagree....I think it totally defines you...
Originally Posted by Ginger1
It only hurts me personally. I could have numerous “boyfriends” right now ( not a brag) but I won’t settle. But I could fess, there was something about this last guy. I miss him. It was so short and so sweet. But there was a serious something there and I think about him so much. I did reach out to him. Not to ask him back. I basically said nothing when he ended ended thing with me. I decided to say something . I just asked how his new place was. He sent me a picture of his new place and dog and told me how things went getting his stuff from his ex and how she thinks she might be using. I was open and vulnerable with him. I told him how I felt. My experience. And he was honest with me and told me how much he cared for me but he needs to be alone . He said he thinks about me often Him I agree. I told him that for the beginning. I just needed to say my piece. I told him of when he was ready to date for real, hit me up, and maybe I’ll be available and we can talk.
He’s on my mind a lot. I can’t explain it. It stinks. But I’m not acting on it . But there is a few times I have TRULY felt something . He’s one of them. The last time was M and the time before that was Steve . Steve is now married to the woman he met while dating me! I’m pretty sure M is with someone . Firefighter is is married to the woman he met while he was dating me too. But that one I totally am happy for because he was too young for me. He got what he really needed .
Because it would have really cool if you could have just said...
That's too bad, because I think you are missing out on something really good....
And walked away without regret, because you meant it in your heart....
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’m going to be patient over here. Trust myself self. Trust the universe . I look at myself and I realize I am really not such a failure . So I’m just going to have some faith
