I’m not LH’s type. He has a thing for rail thin overly tan blondes. I don’t fit the bill. Too much junk in my trunk

I am going to make a separate post for your post E. I have been thinking a lot on it .

So today I got offered the job of assistant manager of care management at my other hospital . The raise wasn’t nearly what I thought it would be, but it’s something . I can keep my job per Diem though where I work now currently for some extra $$$

I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. First, 2 of the people I told asked if the cost of the commute ( not far, just not around the corner) is just going to cancel out the raise. Like it wasn’t a “wow, that’s awesome response “ then people know how much I really do love my current hospital and the people who work there so they ask “is it worth it?”

So I’m freaking out a little. What if I hate it? I am not even afraid at failing at it. I’m just afraid I’m going to miss everyone and the patient contact and the joking around with the ruses on the unit .

I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.

On another note. I had a nervous breakdown last night , lol. I went on a date. Good looking guy. Good banter and connection on text. OMG. The date was torture. He literally spoke about himself the whole time. Bragging about everything . Talking about the beautiful successful women he’s dated. Obsessing over the fact he’s “ skinny” now ( gained weight during covid and lost it). I literally sat there, at my good and stared at Him the whole time. I actually said to him “ why the F are you out with me? “ and he laughed and kept talking.

And he actually wanted to see me again! And I actually said “why, you didn’t get to know anything about me ?” He laughed! It was insane . I actually went and grabbed a beer at the bar. Some older guys bought me a beer and chatted. Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I am 42 years old and this has become torture. I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready. And I cannot find one decent person who isn’t a train wreck. And I think it’s making me a train wreck. I psychoanalyze every guy I meet. I don’t even know where to give concession to anymore. I don’t think I can ever trust a guy to make me feel safe and loved.

Negative post with good news today and that’s sad. I am actually excited for my new role. It’s going to be great on my resume either way. I’m hoping it helps me secure employment when I move. Because I’m still moving.

I just feel unsettled and anxious. However,
Im in Atlantic City for a few days with my cousin and her family. Had a nice beach day today, good dinner, and won some money playing black jack. I needed a distraction. I’m not ready to think about the details yet