someday - i don't know when, but soon - you will realize that he did you a big favor by leaving
I do feel this way logically. I just don’t feel indifferent to him or the situation yet. I do feel pretty detached. So that is good. But I do still feel the resentment. I am hoping this is the final stage before indifference.
My guess is that its trauma bonds. My XH could be amazing…unfortunately, that person rarely showed himself to me in the later years of our R. That amazing person was the love of my life. He just may not have been real, or honest, and may be a covert narcissist. A facade.
Facade ???
No, not really....
That person was real, the same as you are real.
He exists in your memories of him, and when he is there, he is still amazing.
And it is okay to still love him the way you did then, you just have to accept that everything changes in life.
(Example- I still love my Ex...defined as I still love the girl that walked down the aisle to me, and the one that crated life with me, and helped build my foundation of being a man. NOT the one that lied continuously and chose a life with values that differed from mine by having 3 affairs)
It's okay to miss the 'him' that you married and had a life with...
He isn't the same, the same way that you aren't the same....
And being thankful that you aren't the same, and thankful that he isn't the same.
Cause I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want a 25 year old me making the decisions that I had to make along the way...
People that can walk away from this struggle don't bother me at all...
People that take this struggle head on, amaze me...
So I would say that if you did NOT feel this way, I would have more concern....
Have you ever taken the time to sit quietly and say goodbye to him ???
Have you taken the time to sit down and say goodbye to the "you" that you were then ??
Have you taken the time to sit down and say goodbye to the "us" that you were ??
Accept all of the decisions that you don't fit you today ?
And realize that you both are human, and you WILL make errors in life ???
It's a pretty empowering experience....
Head/heart reconciliation is hard....
Some days the heart leads, some days the head leads....
You'll get there when they both agree on most days....
