It's progress, not perfection...

[Elbereth]

someday - i don't know when, but soon - you will realize that he did you a big favor by leaving

I do feel this way logically. I just don’t feel indifferent to him or the situation yet. I do feel pretty detached. So that is good. But I do still feel the resentment. I am hoping this is the final stage before indifference.

My guess is that its trauma bonds. My XH could be amazing…unfortunately, that person rarely showed himself to me in the later years of our R. That amazing person was the love of my life. He just may not have been real, or honest, and may be a covert narcissist. A facade.

Not surprisingly, I completely agree with Bttrfly. It took me a minute (as the kids say) to get there but I did finally get to a point where I realized my XH gave me a huge gift in walking away when he did. On this side of the whole deal, I’m detached and moved on and don’t dwell on “what might have been”. Unlike a lot of posters here, though, in full disclosure, I didn’t share children with my XH so if I had, it may have been a whole different ball game, so to speak. All I know for sure is there is a point where it stops hurting and that point is different for everyone.

I do realize he gave me a gift by leaving. I would still be with him and unhappy if he hadn’t. So I get frustrated with myself for still not feeling indifferent towards him yet. But the kids do change things. I know, even though they are my step-kids, that I will be in their lives always, and that also means in his. And I love his family too, who have been great to me.

I’m excited about dating, I’m excited that my life is mine again (instead of being driven by his wants), and I do realize the many things I did that allowed me to stay in the MR when he clearly wasn’t treating me well or respecting me. So I try to believe, like you say, that it is time and healing and I will get there.

I’ve come a long way since mediation. I’ve lost about 10 lbs, I’ve been feeling physically better and exercising more, the inflammation and swelling from intense stress has also lessened considerably, and I have a lot more energy. And I just feel good! So, progress, not perfection. But at least there is progress right?

How many LBS get finally to indifference only to have their Xs suddenly come back around? I fear that. I fear that as soon as I reach indifference and feel it to my core, he will play games with me and throw me backwards.

El