Stuck in limbo III

[BL42]

Doug54,

I finished The Five Love Languages and gave DR another read. Mach, you were right - there were parts of Love Languages that were a bit painful to read because I could see where I had dropped the ball needlessly in the past.

That's great you're putting in the work. Keep reading up on the relevant topics. Be honest with yourself on your areas for improvement, and tackle them.

Had what I think was our last MC session last week. Each one, I think, got incrementally better than the first one where I more or less unloaded on W for her EA.

Meaning in the first one you went off on her and since you've gotten better about just listening and validating? If so, good.

This time, I reiterated that I wasn't in favor of divorce, W reiterated that she felt like she'd moved on from the MR and had "emotionally detached" and then proceeded to cry while talking about not having felt supported in the past.

Doug you really need to stop reiterated you don't want a divorce. She knows it. For you to change turn this around she needs to wonder where you stand.

I agree w/LH. She knows where you stand. Stop saying it. If anything better she wonder if you've changed your mind.

I validated everything and admitted that I shared in the blame for getting to where we are today.

That's all you can do is apologize once and own your part.

Again, agree w/LH. It's good to accept the appropriate level of blame...but don't keep going on and on about it. Don't think by any means if you continue to apologize over and over - for either stuff you fairly messed up on but also things that really weren't your fault but you want to accept to make it better - that it'll change her mind. You've apologized...time for your to move on.

W again mentioned she didn't feel she had any local options for moving out and didn't want to leave the kids.

Remember, not your problem. Let her deal with the consequences of her actions.

W mentioned that we were still sleeping in the same bed and that that might be the next domino to fall.

"OK".

Stepson has moved out to college and S(14) claimed his room. W could have easily grabbed that room or tried to hint that I move there if she were serious about putting some space between us.

This sounds like you're trying to read too much into things. Don't spend your time mind reading. I think it's pretty clear she's serious.

she asked me to go out with her yesterday and later initiated "things."

Meaning sex?

I continue to drop the rope and leave W to do what she wants. Haven't snooped for anything nor have I felt a desire to in spite of many opportunities. The only nagging thought (at times) is not knowing if she's still dicking around in EA territory on her phone. But through my re-reading of DR I've resolved to just give her the space and let things play out on their own.

Good. Easier said than done.

No R talks at all.

What about MC? Sounds like you were pressuring on the R there.

I still feel like the deal with W is MLC, so things could probably turn on a dime.

Don't bet on things turning on a dime. Sounds to me like she's serious but nervous about logistics and consequences with the kids on pulling the plug. Keep working on detachment.

Sounds like you're doing well overall. Remember to keep improving yourself...keep reading, working out, becoming more attractive, GAL...etc.