Stuck in limbo III

[LH19]

I finished The Five Love Languages and gave DR another read. Mach, you were right - there were parts of Love Languages that were a bit painful to read because I could see where I had dropped the ball needlessly in the past.

Yep Doug I am sure you dropped the ball mostly because you didn't know what you didn't know. How many LL experts are going to be available and hot to trot for a middle age woman with 5 kids? .0001% maybe?

This time, I reiterated that I wasn't in favor of divorce, W reiterated that she felt like she'd moved on from the MR and had "emotionally detached" and then proceeded to cry while talking about not having felt supported in the past.

Doug you really need to stop reiterated you don't want a divorce. She knows it. For you to change turn this around she needs to wonder where you stand.

I validated everything and admitted that I shared in the blame for getting to where we are today.

That's all you can do is apologize once and own your part.

The counselor repeated from prior sessions that she didn't blame me for not wanting to leave while reminding W that divorce carries considerable collateral damage and things wouldn't just seamlessly transition.

Sounds like you have a good counselor.

At one point near the end, W mentioned that we were still sleeping in the same bed and that that might be the next domino to fall.

Good luck finding a place to sleep honey.

When we walked out of the building afterwards, W smiled at me and said something joking about the sleep situation and then added "I still feel conflicted sometimes" (about D).

Let me give you a little sniff to keep you on the hook Dougie.

- W seems to be softening. It took a while to recover from the events of that first MC session and its aftermath but she asked me to go out with her yesterday and later initiated "things."

If you really wanted to save your marriage you should have said "sorry I have plans" and went out alone with zero explanation.

Having said that, I still feel like I see similarities with LH19's situation where his EXW hung on for over a year and still bolted.

Probably. Guess what? Nothing you can do about it.

On that note, it is very likely we'll be in the house together with the kids until at least next June, based on certain circumstances.

So what is your plan? Fight? Throw in towel?

- I continue to GAL and have volunteered with a local hospice organization.

Great! You doing this for you or show?

I continue to drop the rope and leave W to do what she wants. Haven't snooped for anything nor have I felt a desire to in spite of many opportunities.

Perfect!

The only nagging thought (at times) is not knowing if she's still dicking around in EA territory on her phone.

So what changes if she is and what changes if she isn't?

But through my re-reading of DR I've resolved to just give her the space and let things play out on their own.

Time and space are the only things that fix these things long-term.

no R talks at all.

Great!

I still feel like the deal with W is MLC, so things could probably turn on a dime.

Turn in what way? If it's MLC this will play out for many years. Like 5-7 years minimum.

Her disposition towards me is often congruent with how much she has on her plate and stress level...but I suppose that's how it often was in the MR to be quite honest.

Absolutely. When highly stressed it's Doug's fault. He's not doing this and he's not doing that.