Well, well, well! I just found out that my friend who ghosted me just before I met CMM - lives!!!!
For those who don’t remember - Spa Guy was a guy I saw occasionally, starting from before I met Crazy ExBF. He lived about 90 minutes away and made it clear from the start that he “didn’t DO relationships”. Having dated a couple Love Avoidants before, I found his honesty refreshing. And because he was smart, and sexy, I was happy to see him once in a while for a “weekend at the spa” as my BFF called it, with zero expectations, when I wasn’t otherwise involved in a relationship. Once I started dating Crazy ExBF I stopped things, although he would call me once a year or so to catch up.
After the breakup with crazy ExBF calmed down, I visited Spa Guy a couple times. It was great and relaxing, as always. He’s really great intellectual company, interested in music and film, well read.
Then he ghosted me. It was a little odd, but then, he’d always been an inconsistent communicator, and I knew he sometimes had periods of severe depression. It was even possible he’d gotten into a relationship. I wasn’t too concerned at the time. I met CMM a couple months later, and figured I would probably get one of those friendly chat phone calls in a year or so. But nothing…. Crickets.
I started to get worried he might be in one of those black depressions, so every few months I would send him a text, maybe a song I thought he would like, or a book recommendation. I never heard back. Last year I did some internet sleuthing and figured out he must have sold his loft and moved to a neighboring state.
I still sent him a text once every couple months - mostly because I figured if he was really doing poorly, at least he would know he still had a friend in me. I could see that he read them, so I figured at least he wasn’t dead. And if he didn’t want me sending him anything, he would block me, right? I’ll admit, I started to imagine maybe he’d had a stroke, or some other incapacitating event. Or else maybe he’d gotten married, like Mr Big Lots, who knows?
Well today, after 4 years, he sent me a music video! It’s something only I would like, so I know it wasn’t a blanket text. (Check it out - Lo Fidelity Allstars doing Battleflag). In the olden days, he used to burn CDs for me with songs from his collection that he thought I would like.
I have to say, I feel so relieved!!! I had honestly started to worry he was incapacitated in some way. I let out a huge sigh of relief (and danced around to that song, it’s very danceable!).
I don’t need anything from him, no explanations, I just reached out occasionally because I wanted him to know I was still his friend, in case he needed a friend. My mind is at ease now, even if I don’t hear anything else. Phew! I’m surprised at how relieved I feel.