More rejection might stink, but I would regret not trying.
That seems to be a theme...
I've been contemplating chiming in but I honestly don't have anything major to say. I can't really criticize this latest attempt at love. I don't think anything you did really influenced the outcome. He did seem like a decent guy - right to the end of being mature and upstanding in the way he ended it. Did it all just get too real too fast for him? it may have and that may be the only thing you could have done differently - kept it slower so he didn't get overwhelmed and at a pace he could deal with and just let everything grow slowly without him feeling it. Sorta like the frogged theory. Turn up the heat and the frog jumps out. Slowly increase the heat day by day and he never knows.
Is he really changing his ways and looking at what he's done in the past and wanting to do better? Sure, he could but human nature would be more like, "I'm so into this girl and so attracted to her that I can't stop." Maybe he bailed before that happened.
That's more often how it goes, which brings it all back to the above quote - it feels like rejection. How could it not. It's not, mind you, but I'm sure it feels that way. Plus it feels unfinished. It's one thing when you're getting on each other's nerves and looking less and less forward to the next date. But that never happened. It was all going great until he blinked.
Does that mean he was this great guy, the one? No it really doesn't. There's more there that you would have found in time. You just didn't get to - and I totally identify with that.
About the only thing you may have done different is just been totally honest with yourself. You tried to tell us and I'm sure convince yourself, it was just fun, you were just enjoying the time together and whatever happened would happened - no biggie. But the truth was you were really falling for this guy. You probably knew it but didn't want to admit it to yourself and certainly not to us. That's the hard part of it all. What you could have done different is really held back knowing he was a higher than average risk for exactly what happened. But that's way easier said than done.
So you had a great time for a few months but now sorta have to pay the price. If it feels worth it then it was. If you're more upset and sad, and will be for more months, then it might not have been worth that cost. It just sux when you get to experience something pretty great but then have it taken away from you. That has happened to me a few times. No big fights, no drama, none of that - just a short term R that ended nearly as quickly as it started. But I'm not looking for the happily ever after so while it still does feel unfinished, it was still fun and worth it to me. For me, someone in the transition phase might be okay because I'm not setting out for the big R - I'll just accept it if it happens (at least I like to think I will) but if you know that's what you want, then yeah, you probably should have stuck to your rules because he was high risk for exactly what happened.
But like I said, you really did pretty well this time, yeah, too much too fast again but within a reasonable amount. It just feels like it got taken away too soon and that feels like rejection.
Told you I didn't have any major things to say. I am sorry though. I know it hurts.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
