FB has been showing me videos and photos from a really cool gig I played 4 years ago. This was only a couple months after CMM and I started dating, and pretty much right after I returned home from that short tour is when he was diagnosed with lung cancer.
I look chubbier in those photos than I remember being (I'm slimmer and fitter now, as eating healthier and exercising is easier when I have no one to take care of but myself). I thought I had gained most of the weight while caring for him (and being fed by him!) but I guess I started out chubby. I guess he fell in love with me that way - he always made me feel like a goddess.
I'm just posting this for the women out there second-guessing themselves and their weight. I'll never be as skinny as I was when my exH met me - it wouldn't be a healthy weight for me anyway. I personally would like to weigh what I did after my divorce, which is about 20 lbs higher than the underweight girl I was in my twenties, but still well within a normal BMI for my height. I'm well on my way there.
But plenty of men have been attracted to me skinny, chubby and everywhere in between. Men of color have been MORE interested in me than they were when I was so skinny in my twenties. Women are so much harder on themselves than most men are. (My fat-Nazi exH was the exception, not the rule!).
You may not be every guy's cup of tea, but there are many guys out there who WILL find you attractive. Confidence, sense of humor, sexiness - are attractive and don't depend on your weight.
