Thank you everyone. LH- I really don’t the need there is anything fishy going on at all. Definitely not getting back with wife. Thursday he was showing me some crazy texts she was sending to his sister. I quite truly believe he realized he was having some serious feelings and it’s not what he needs to be doing right now. I do believe he is the type who gets over a relationship with a new relationship and he doesn’t want to be that guy anymore. When he was ending things, I felt he didn’t want to, but he had to. And

In his defense on the dating too early part….. I met him on tinder. I would say he might have been looking for a hook up, but I don’t even. I think his intentions were as you say B-looking for someone to make him feel better maybe for a date and boost his self esteem. And he ended up with me. And I should know better on tinder. Rarely does something good come out of it. Neither of us expected this I guess but we both played with fire.

E- I do absolutely agree. When/if he reaches out in a friends level, I will let him know I cannot remain platonic friends and when he is ready to date for real, he knows where I am . As far as continuing to try to date others? I have too many things in my life right now giving me emotional ups and downs that I don’t think I can have another one on my plate. While I am a generally stable person, I feel like I have too many situations that are unstable right now.

Honestly, I felt vulnerable and safe with him. I haven’t allowed that in so long. And if I’m being honest, I don’t think this is the end for us. I mean, it very well could be, my gut says it isn’t ( my gut has still been right 99.9% of the time. But that won’t stop me from holding back on anything else. I’m just not going to be available to him and do the “ pick me!” Thing. I’m over that. I’m worth enough to not have to win it, or be available for it or try so hard for it. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

For now? I have some career decisions to make . I don’t think the interview went great at that one I had. Not bad, but not great, because I really stink at a half phone half video meeting. But at my other hospital I work at, the director position has been filled by the hospice liaison it my current job, and one of the supervisors there is coming to my main hospital ( took a slower part time job because of kids) so her position is available so my new director is encouraging me to apply when they post it. If that makes any sense. So I’m considering it .

V- to speak to your observation on my current position. I do love the hospital inwork in and I do love my coworkers and that’s what makes my job so tolerable. I have been around and if you don’t have good coworkers, you won’t really be happy. But even after Friday , I feel fed up with it. We keep getting more thrown our plates, can’t get it done in the 8 hour work day, and everything falls apart or changes an hour before I leave and I’m expected to stay. And I don’t get paid to do so. I’m tired of it. But I have thought the grass would be greener on the other side but it never really is. So I am hesitant to make a move.

I also know that I cannot work so many jobs and hours anymore. I can’t do it. I’m always working. But I don’t have much of a choice.

Life has been a challenge for me most of it. Spending most of your life in survival mode is absolutely exhausting. And it’s also aging me.

I do need IC that much I know. I have been letting my stress sleep out in tears and my kid has seen it and I think she’s getting worried . It’s a lot to carry alone. So maybe I can unload some on an IC.

When I leave my very mentally stressful job, I come home to my second job. But my brain stops working. It’s too exhausted. I get my gym time in which I need, but that puts a dent in everything else I have to do. I have this week off, and it’s basically catching up on life.

Enough complaining. At least yesterday was a fun concert night, today is a bike ride, mani pedi, then driving my working girl around to babysitting