I do know I would have regretted not seeing what happens. I enjoyed my time with him and I don’t regret it, but I am very sad. I know people take what I say tongue in cheek, but I have been the block enough to know this guy at a different time could have been the real deal.
You are right KML. I have been thinking about the friends thing. I know myself all too well. I can’t turn off romantic feelings and go right to friends. And the whole time I am “friends” I will be hoping he will change his mind and want to be more. Then I will have to watch him find the “one” like I always do. I can’t put myself through that. I put myself through it on and off for 4 years a long time ago. And the pain was there for a long time.
I know my tendency due to my abandonment issues to hope if I’m just perfect and the best friend ever that he would come around and want to be with me . I know it doesn’t work that way. I have learned that the hard way. And I also know my tendency to feel like a sh!tty person if I decide not accept the friend offer. But I know he did what he had to do and I have to do what I have to do for self preservation.
That’s the positive I will take from this, I am way more self aware. I know my tendencies and I have to make sure I don’t do what is good for others. I was listening to a podcast today that hot home. I tend to do what makes others comfortable and secure and sacrifice myself doing it . I can’t do that anymore.
He will reach out. I know he will . He will want to share everything he spoke about in his new place. I got him his first bottle of wine for his wine fridge . He said wants to hang out again. I just can’t do it .
