Our adult D, SIL & their 3 boys (3yo twins, 7yo) have gone Glamping til Tuesday. That’s lovely. The boys we’re so excited when I saw them off. Big smiles all around. Their Mum loves loves looooves to go crabbing, so that will definitely be something they do a couple times.
I didn’t relish the idea of being in the house alone with my H sulking in his room, what feels like a emotionally violent purposefully ignoring me. So I’ve gone to the seashore for a couple nights. It’s after 11:37pm, nearing midnight. I’m at my hotel having a wild berries cider. I’ve not told H I’m away. He has no idea where I am. Hell he might not have noticed I am gone. (He’s noticed.) He might not even care! He’s not messaged me. (He’s angry with me for not giving him the £4,000 without having a request of my own, a Quid Pro Quo, adding me to the family bank account.) I am of two minds. One mind says I need to tell him as I am a good person and I am his Wife. (Yes I know you are going to say I am his roommate now but legally I am his Wife) I think a short, simple. ‘I’m away, back in a couple days.’ This mind is the ‘This is how adults sharing a house’ behave mind. It is NOT the ‘This is how a married couple’ behave mind. A text to a loving spouse would be different, more detailed, and would absolutely happen. Hell the weekend away would not have been planned before discussing with my husband. But that’s not H & I now. Now we are roommates apparently, though this has not been discussed or agreed between us. We’ve never used the word roommate. So is ‘roommate’ assumed? Is H assuming roommates or is he assuming I’m still his Wife? His wife that he’s angry at, is not communicating with but would still expect her to let Jim know she’s gone away for the weekend.
I’ve never had a roommate before. Do you tell your roommate if you are going to be gone the weekend? I know you tell your husband what you are doing.
Also this: I’m not going to pretend anything. Detaching when your spouse lives at home is hard. Reading through hundreds of posts here I saw this exact wording typed out - Detaching when your MLC spouse lives at home is very difficult - was posted SO many times by seasoned frequent posters here that have replied to my thread so I am justifiably backed up that this sh*t is hard! I’m working on detaching, letting go. I’m going to guess that the response I’m going to get to my question as to how H would likely react, feel of me being away will be ‘You need to not care how he reacts.’ I text him & he’s like “Meh, whatever.” That’s the “ok” response - The MLC Script response: ‘Its all my wife’s fault that I am unhappy’ response. Or I don’t tell him at all and he still doesn’t care or he does and he wonders about me. Or he’s even more angry at me that I didn’t tell him. (Again I’m sure people will say Don’t even care what your H response is. Or isn’t!)
Do we not want our MLC spouse to wonder, worry? H did that before. Wonder. Worry. My D & SIL reported H would sit in the lounge in complete darkness waiting for me to come home at night. Racing around the house looking for me. Desperate. Wanting to make me dinner. This was April, May, June of this year. He’s cycled hard repeatedly since. He’s now displaying a different person. A much less worried and less interested in me persona. MLC 🙄
What I want to present to H is a strong Theia right? I am moving forward. Putting me first. So is that conveyed through sending a text to say I’m away this weekend. Be back Monday. Or is it saying nothing at all?
In the last 3 1/2 years H did LOTS of things without informing me. He took his unrequited Limerence Object/OW to dinner, to a safari park, to a Christmas light display, more. So on that front, well…
But that’s not who I am. I’m not petty and I don’t lower who I am because of the sh*tty things others have done.
Additionally H still lives at home. Week ago Thursdays he Monstered that he’s leaving after Ireland, which is in 2 weeks. But he’s threatened to leave before and hasn’t. He’s threatened D and then said he was just angry, he never wants a D. Who knows! 🤷🏼♀️ What I want is to look out for myself, grow (I am growing, learning about me, part issues, owning up, being a better Theia) and for H to continue his journey to Acceptance & healing. If this is best done not at our home then that’s what I hope he does.
Can I get some urgent help here thinking this through. I don’t care that it’s just after midnight now. If I send the text at 3am that’s fine. If that’s what I do. I know it’s just a text but I need help. 🙏🏻
Yes I’m aware H has not messaged me to ask were I am, if I’m ok. Nothing. MLC 😩
~ Theia
Last edited by Theia; 08/13/2211:29 PM. Reason: Bit to end
