Stuck in limbo III

[Ready2Change]

When she spews, walk away and let her know that when she calms, you will once again listen...

I will also add that it depends on what we define as "spews". If it becomes disrespectful, then time to leave. If it is just her venting anger, sometimes it is definitely good to show her you can handle her anger without arguing back.

Gekko was one of the very few "Natural DBer's" Might want to check out his posts:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showprofile&User=40586

I think I'm hardwired to validate at this point rather than return fire. If nothing else, hopefully this will benefit me in my next relationship, and perhaps life in general.

It will absolutely help in all your relationships. Listening and validating someones emotional state is a great skill.

All of that anger and frustration HAS to come out before anything can be any different for the future...

Yes, and this will take time. During this time, you work on you and your issues.

True detachment would be indifference.

Yes.

and the fact that she's venting is something.

Yes. Just don't put to much focus on it. Just note that she is vernting to you is good. How you respond to that is the the important thing. And the most important thing is did/do you intentionally respond the way you want to.

I liked the part about people's love tanks getting down to Empty and needing to be refilled. I'm not sure where that leaves me, though. So far, I think W's language is words of affirmation. So should I start complimenting her more and pumping her up? That would seem counter to DBing.

This is a tricky area. As long as you are not supplicating, you can put out a simple compliment and observe the reaction. "you are such a good mom" or something similar . It has to be natural and sincere. Start slow...treat her like a squirrel. Nothing quick..