Cheaters gonna cheat

[Valeska19]

I have an interview tomorrow morning. A recruiter from a health system found my resume. He screened me, forwarded it and they wanted an interview with me . So tomorrow morning virtual. They asked what salary I’m shooting for and I gave one that would give me some comfort in my life. According to the recruiter it’s a little higher than what they are offering, but not that far out of the ballpark. I was honest and said I am happy where I work right now and it would take something like this for me to leave. The position is a stretch. It’s a regional director of case managers for a huge healthcare system that goes into other states. The hospital that would be my home base is in the town my D goes to school in. It’s seriously a long shot, I don’t know that my resume is impressive enough. We shall see.

You ARE impressive. Don't sell yourself short. If YOU do - what stops them from doing it.

I'm also confused why you are saying that it would only take a salary increase above when below you are saying how draining work is below. There seems to be some sabotage in there? Would you not take the job if the salary was the same and your weren't overworked?

Work has really been draining me, honestly. We keep getting more responsibilities on top of the ones that cause us yo work more than our salaried hours . I work way too much for free . I’m sick of working all the other additional hours I can get in my other jobs. Im tired. Im at wits end . I at least want compensation for what I do.

Learn to say NO at work. There are some great reading materials out there how women can do this w/o looking like a b!tch. Yeah it can be uncomfortable but you have to teach people how to treat you.

Push back... create boundaries. They will learn and they will adjust.

This weekend D dog sat for one of my coworkers . She stayed over and slept alone for the first time ever. She didn’t really it like it someone else’s house, but she did fine. I actually spent all Saturday with her there , we went to target, and out to our special dinner place. She’s babysitting at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow . Kid has champagne tastes in a beer budget so I’m happy she’s making a few bucks . She stared cheer coaching last week and really likes it. I’m happy to see her throw herself into something like this. She’s still living in this world like nothing ever happened with her dad. And there isn’t much I can do about it.

I think the big thing is that you continue to separate her fears from her thoughts. I remember you responding to me about how she "feels" like she is breaking up her family. That's not actually a feeling... it's a thought. Knowing and communicating the difference is key because feelings just are.. but thoughts (which can often be distorted)... we actually have some control over.

As far as me. I’m having a serious MLC over here. I’m really freaking out a bit. And I think it has to do with social media. I think I’m going to have to sign off. All I see are these big beautiful family vacations ! Brothers, sisters, cousins, beach, fun, and all around awesomeness. All I have ever wanted. I have like the reverse MLC. Married and family folk feel like they are missing out on single fun, and here I am feeling awful I missed out on the family life. And I know it’s too late for a lot of it. The parties, vacations, gatherings……. Really never had it in my childhood and never had it in my adulthood. I guess we all want what we don’t have. It’s an awfully lonely life for me .

This sounds like grief and it comes out alot in your posts. How much time have you spent really processing all the grief you have experienced?

I also haven’t been such a great mom lately. I make far too many comments about my exes lifestyle every time my kid asks me to buy her something she wants or needs. And she is convinced her dad doesn’t have much money and only spends on vacation and that’s why. I asked her what I spend on. She says I don’t know. But dad is cheap everywhere else ( basically with her )

I truly believe you making the time and putting your XH feet to the fire with child support will really help with this on your end of things. You've been carrying too much for far too long... it's time you share the load.

That must be really hard on her... knowing that she's not important to him in certain ways. It probably plays a huge part on why she acts like nothing happened. My suggestion is to continue make space for HER in these moments when she does make these comments... and for you to find OTHER people to talk to about him.

In a nutshell. I need more fun and less work. I’m burning out FAST! I even took a 3 hour ap today because I haven’t been sleeping properly. It’s just all too much, as usual.

Hopefully something gives soon

From what I have read in your posts throughout the years is that life has been hard for you. Between your parents and your XH - the only person you know you can rely on is YOU. I think it has served you well in many areas... but I also wonder if it also keeps you stuck. I wonder how much suffering you put yourself through because the alternative of the unknown is far scarier.

I know it may seem that life is not giving your many choices... but maybe G - the choices just scare the absolute sh!t out of you... and you'd rather just put everything on your shoulders because... as tired as your are... or as angry as you get... you still know it is a safe option. Even if it means betraying your needs and wants.

I think you are wonderfully strong...truly. I just want to see you be truly strong for yourself as well.