Without reading all of my posts here, and there isn’t a lot, it’s just late, I don’t know if I’ve stated already that I don’t do any wifely duties for him. I don’t do his laundry, I don’t clean his space, we take turns cooking, and we no longer share a bed. Yes we do, or did, as of 2 days ago, eat dinner together and we do, or did as of 2 days ago, communicate about family stuff, schedules. We have had some relationship talks, some initiated by him, some by me, because I am human and I am learning. I do my best to avoid. I am calm. Patient, I do my PIES. I’m trying to navigate these treacherous waters living with a MLC’er that thinks his amazing loyal loving wife is dog 💩 but the con artist using manipulative OW was sent by God. 🙄 I moved H to the guest room downstairs 5 weeks ago after he was disrespectful to me in our bedroom, motioning for me to leave the room, saying “work call” in such a way that was clearly ordering me out of my own bedroom. H was, of course, taking to the OW, whom he works with long distance, reassuring her that he wouid help her. Saying he would “Go in to the office the next day, get a desk away from everyone, stay late if she wished.” Just stupid. 🙄 So when he was at work the next day I moved him from our room to the guest room downstairs. He Monstered. Threatened D. I stayed firm. He understands my boundaries. He knows OW must GO! He’s asked me for time. He’s said 3 mos, 6 mos. He’s also talked about the company restructuring and announcing in September. He says they might go a different direction, new managing company, the group from India might not be continued (that’s her group). He says she might quit. He’s under contract. If he asks she be taken off his team mid-project that’s a red flag. Same if he asks to be moved. And at almost 64 his job prospects are drying up. He’s retiring in 2 years or less. Considering the financial situation he cannot be without a job. He’s currently on a project that he says is due to end in October. At that point the teams can be changed. Lots of “He says” that basically means wait. Means more time for him to not have to act. Most likely hoping I’ll agree to let him cake eat. (I won’t) But the part of all this that needs to be taken very seriously is the history the OW has of accusing co-workers of sexual harassment. H was warned by a couple-worker that she’s done this twice, getting them fired. Of course H says she wouldn’t do that to me. #Idiot! The latest thing to happen, this £4,000 tax bill situation, the financial situation he is in, we are in, that wasn’t there for years so what has changed that? Well, it seems his Limerence with his co-worker from India has. That he won’t add me to the bank account, but wants me to give him money for taxes. Yeah, NO. Not happening. He’s hiding things. Is he paying her rent? Has he bought her a car? Giving her money? He’s SO stupid. He’s screwed up our finances bad. He’s loosing his wife, loosing his marriage, over a woman who won’t even tell him how to make ginger tea. She told him to go to YouTube. True story. Just to clarify, OW does nothing for him. Not. A. Thing. No sexual relationship. No relationship at all outside of work. She contacts him, he can’t contact her. She called him embarrassing in a WhatsApp message. I’ve read all the messages. I know what she’s about, how she manipulates, what a blind man he is. Telling me he was going for work, which was a lie, H flew to India Feb this year in blind hope to convince OW to have a relationship with him, she blanked him, only seeing him 3x, each in a large group with her extended family & her fiancé! She wouldn’t even stand next to him in a photo. And for this my H is blowing up his life. OUR life. This is his mess. He needs to sort it. The clock is ticking. ⏰ As it stands now we are roommates. Have been since I returned from America. I just didn’t realise it. I’ve looked into the stories of those who’s spouses have returned to the marriage to see if there are any similarities. Boundaries are one. But so is kindness. Not pushover. But kindness. I am hoping H being more emotionally distant from me will help me to detach better.
Our 14 granddaughter lives here at times, comes & goes, has her own room, has since a newborn. She shuffles back & forth between our house & her Dads house 1/4 mile away. She grew up in this house. Her 4 bff’s live in the neighbourhood. At 14 it’s ALL about your friends. So she’s here daily. She & I are very close. She has a crap mother that prioritises men over her children. Her Dad has full custody. The grandsons parents live here too. I’m not going to get into their situation or open it for discussion, too complicated. I don’t know if things would improve or get worse if our daughter & her family were not living here. It is nuts, loud, chaotic having 3 little bits here. In a way they are a buffer. Living with a crazy MLC’er is lonely and unstable at times. But other times I wonder if I would do better if they were not around all the time, if H would do better if they weren’t around. Quieter in the house. My H and I have actually never lived just on our own. I had teenagers when we married. I was actually looking forward to it. Retiring, moving to our little house by the sea. Just the two of us. I really wanted that. Was really looking forward to it. This was pre-MLC of course. That is not this situation, I am fully aware. I will not be moving to the seaside with my MLC H, specially if he’s still in contact with OW. Not. A. Chance.
I hope this clarifies things.
For me, I have surgeries happening later this year & next. That’s my focus. Getting myself prepared for surgery. I’m slowly getting work done on the house and clearing it. One way or another we’ll be out of here in 2 years time.
Quick update because people seem to think that even though there are weeks or months between incidents with my MLC’er that I talk about here - (seems people would talk about the crazy crap, isn’t that the stuff people need support with, not the boring fault stuff? 🤷🏼♀️) - that it must be happening all the time, I must be negatively engaging with my MLC’er all the time. (Even though I say repeatedly that I strive, and I mean strive, for calm. 🤨) So for clarity here’s the two days since. The boring two days since. Do people really post their boring days?
So yesterday, Friday 5th. No contact with H. He went into work early, came home late as it appears he’d gone to golf after work, wearing golf shirt. Came in, went directly in to his room downstairs. I said nothing. He said nothing. I noticed he left one of the French doors to his room about 8” ajar. In the past he’s done this to indicate he wants communication, contact, but I wasn’t biting. Could be a trap. For dinner I grabbed my Greek yogurt & frozen cherries and headed up to my room. For my PIES I danced a bit. I listened to happy music as I cleaned my granddaughters room. I sat in the garden. I emailed my therapist & got a really supportive email back. I messaged a couple LBS friends.
Saturday 6th: No contact with H. I did laundry, granddaughter had a ton in her room. I didn’t see H leave but he did sometime around noon. I went for a drive and had a Zoom session with my therapist. She’s awesome! I hit my fave UK store HomeSense to get some things for granddaughters room. Did more laundry when I got back. H arrived home at 6:30pm, assuming golf as another golf shirt. Went directly in his room. Awhile later 7yo grandson asked H if he wanted to watch a movie? H said Yes. That was nice. I ate alone tonight, chili, while starting a series. (I’m not sure I’ll continue. Not sure it’s worth my time.) PIES today was my long drive, my Zoom session with my therapist, retail therapy (bought a blue & metallic gold blown glass pumpkin, I gave a small collection. Todays is the largest one I have so far). I had a Margarita. 🍹🧂🍋
~ Theia
Last edited by Theia; 08/07/2201:40 AM. Reason: Typo!
