Here is a minor situation that came up yesterday. Let me all know what you think, I will outline my day and also what happened. This way it all comes together. I get up at 4:30am to get to the gym by 5am. I get home at 6am gf is in bed. I jump in the shower. Start to get ready, gf wakes up and starts to pump. Baby starts to wake up, I grab him and change his diaper. Out the door for work by 6:35. Work and get home at 12. Bay is napping when I get home. Gf has lunch ready for me. She tells me she is tired and going to take a nap. I eat my lunch then go and fix her ac (about 20 minutes). Then run to the store. Get home baby and gf are sleeping. Got to sit on the couch, 15 minutes baby is waking up, gf asks me to grab baby, I also change his diaper. She prepared his lunch I feed it to him. Just as I finish feed him. She says to me, “I guess I will clean his dishes since I am the only one that does that.” I didn’t say anything. Just so you all know I do it 50% of the time. So now I take the baby out and start playing with him in the play area. I do that for about a half an hour. I come back to where she was and she now looks annoyed. I ask everything ok? She said no, I am just a maid around here. So I asked how can I help? What would you like me to do? She said if you just helped and cleaned up. I said sure and starred to help straighten up the kitchen. And then I had to leave to pick up my son.
I feel very taken for granted. I don’t stop ever in the house. When I do she lets me know for sure. But if she is tired or overwhelmed, I tell her to relax or take a break or I got it. I don’t tell her what she is t doing. She tell me very often the things I am “not doing”. I feel like I do so much and help so much and she is getting g used to it, that when I am not going nonstop, she feels like I am not doing anything. Once again, I pay all the bills, including her car insurance and cell phone, I feed the baby when I am home, change diapers, help clean work 2 jobs, the. Have the nerve to make comments like that. I just don’t feel that is right. But I didn’t get defensive or try to explain what I do. Honestly, her first comment about if she doesn’t do it, it won’t get done caught me off guard, I didn’t know how to validate that, that’s why I just took the baby to another room. I feel just like with my ex, I try to help out and the more I do; the more they expect and the less they do. And the. Criticize me when I don’t do everything all the time. How would she feel if I worked a 9-5 job and didn’t get home until 6 everyday? Some days, honestly I just feel like I am going to collapse. But I am supposed to be the man and take on everything. I am not supposed to get tired, or sad, or mad. Just be happy and go all day and night I guess.
You're not a Martyr Wolf...So maybe stop acting that way.
No matter how crappy they are at the moment...
They are still YOUR decision that you made...
I would venture a guess that neither of you are too happy with yourself about the way you are handling things...
Have you ever sat down with her and calmly explained that....
When you say ______ I feel _____________
When you do __________I feel ________
??????
I would say that you BOTH are making excuses to treat each other poorly...
I think that you BOTH have expectations of what you each think this should be, and neither of you are either willing, or capable of verbalizing those expectations...and appreciating what the other is going through....
Unspoken expectations often lead to unresolvable resentments....
Let me give you an assignment here....
Sometime soon, walk up behind her and whisper in her ear....
Name one thing that you would like to have done today, that you totally hate doing, and I will do it , no questions asked....
