Yeah you have young kids and at 43 you have lots of time to think about your future. Ride this puppy out and boink her if she wants to keep doing it. Just shows you are not a monster. Only a psycho would boink a monster right? Make the changes you need to make and enjoy the remaining 100% of the time you have with the kids. IHS gets easier once you officially wave the white flag and surrender to the unknown. You won’t feel like this forever and you will be happier in the long run.
Wanted to follow up on this one...
Definitely agree with LH on not rushing into anything due to the young kids and a lot of time, but in terms of continuing to have sex with her you better be really careful there. First, be safe from an STD perspective because I hate to say this but you can't be certain what she's done. Second, you better be absolutely sure you're 100% detached and have fully accepted the marriage might be over (I.e., "waved the white flag). Easier said than done when you're still having sex with the mother of your children. A lot of LBSs think they're detached and accepting, but then something that smacks them in the face and they realize they weren't. The sex can hurt your detachment and can be used as a way for her to manipulate you to keep you as a backup and to soften you up to get you to do what she wants in the separation/divorce.
If you can keep having sex and simply enjoy the physical act and know you're 100% detached and accepting, great...you do you. But easier said than done.
Just my $0.02.
As someone that ended up having a lot of sex in his situation, this advice is spot on. As we always say, being 100% sure she is not physical with anyone else is paramount! And then as BL said, if you cannot do AND still continue to work on detachment, then you need to be careful.
For me the sweet spot was to realize that she could walk at any minute, including 1 second after we had sex. That sex had no meaning related to her wanting a D. That it was just purely the physical act with little to no emotion behind it. In my case, it was really about her having a lot of pent up sexual energy due to her EAs with guys that were hundreds, or 1000s of miles away. AnotherStander and sandi (I believe) pointed out to me that likely she was fantasizing about her EAP while making love to me. That was a very sobering thought. One that did give me pause a few times.
But as BL said, the sex can, and for most LBS will, hurt your detachment. We've seen a lot of LBSs that have had sex throughout their situation with the WAS, some even while the WAS was sexually active with other people (SMH), and it is a very rare LBS that can do that and NOT attach significance to it.
BL is spot on with this post.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
