Sorry missed these two questions. No it wasn’t a month ago. The £8,450 was end of January. £4,000 5th August. 6 months apart.
H wanted action, Money. This wasn’t a situation where I could listen and validate. “I hear you. I understand. That must be difficult.” That would have led to Monstering: “Are you giving me the money or not? See, I knew you weren’t really committed. You aren’t really my partner.” etc. Unless I gave him the money, No matter what I would have done, said, reacted, not reacted, ran, would have had the same conclusion: Monstering.
My response isn’t for him, it’s for me. To state my boundary. I don’t expect he will change, or see the light or give me access to the bank account. He needs to not expect I will breach my boundary. I’m sure I’ve got a lot to learn but I’ve also done really well for someone who’s only had this long to deal with her entire marriage being turned completely upside down. I give myself grace. 🙏🏻
If you read other posts you will see how hard I try to keep our home calm. Like everyone I’ve made the mistake of initiating relationship talks in the past. Yuk! 🤮 H lives here, usually works here. Is here all the time, except for 3 hours a day 4 to 5 days a week when he golfs. That’s a LOT of time together with your MLC spouse. H & I do talk. Small talk about family, schedules, golf, grocery shopping, dinner. I purposefully keep it light. It feels so fake. It seemed H wanted it this way, pretend marriage. Or maybe he was doing it to butter me up to ask for money. I dunno. I’ll likely never know. Just thoughts.
I’ve experienced years of crisis, back to back. I just arrived home late October from a huge crisis 10,000 miles from home after being gone for 15 months. I just wanted peace. Family. My own bed. My husband. I was greeted with this crap that had been stewing for years undetected by me. My H had been betraying me with his EA but because I’d been dealing with crisis and his AP was not reciprocal the situation glided just below the surface. Until India early this year.
He read the message middle of the night, has not responded. I don’t expect he will. In the past when he’s Monstered he has acted sheepish after. I won’t expect that either. I won’t expect anything. I only mention it as curious, let’s see what he does, if anything. I have a difficult sister with a severe personality disorder. 30 years ago I let her go. Stopped having any expectations of her and it freed me. So I have some experience, though this will be much more complex.
Well at least when my daughter & grandsons leave for the Zoo the house will be quiet today. More work to do in granddaughters room and I think a Subway sandwich after I’ve met todays 1/2 goal, then getting the other 1/2 done this afternoon. Then a bike ride this evening. Maybe a Margarita.
