Boundaries & My At Home MLC’er

[BL42]

Theia,

BL42, I didn’t approach my H, he approached me. You’d have me do what to avoid this specific relationship talk? Pretend I didn’t hear him? Walk away from him? Get in my car and drive away? Just hand over the £4,000? There was no way “That doesn’t work for me.” Or “I’ll think about it.” was going to satisfy him. H was on edge, he was insistent. I was either going to transfer the money or I was going to get Monstered. Relationship talk or no relationship talk the outcome the same.

I'm sure you're going through a lot - these situations are so tough - but your response just now to my post comes off as defensive and a bit passive aggressive.

I would not recommend you pretending you didn't hear him or by walking away, and I'm certainly not suggesting you hand over the £4,000.

However, I also would not have recommended you send that long-winded WhatsApp message to him either. What I see in your verbal conversation with him and your WhatsApp message is you debating him on finances (Amazon & Ebay purchases for Christmas), pressuring about OW/India family, trying to use reason and logic with him about the R & MLC (Limerence, family death...etc.), trying to counter his complaint about giving space by explaining you're coming with medicine and OJ...etc., etc.

Instead of countering his claims, what would happen if you just listened and validated and did not engage in arguments and debate?

Regardless of who initiated, don't argue/debate/reason/logic your way out of the situation. Listen to him and validate his concerns and be brief in your answers. When he asks for money why would "That won't work for me" or "I'll have to think about that" not work?

My boundary remains the same. I am not comfortable not knowing what is happening with our money.

Not sure that's really a boundary. How do you plan to enforce it?

In January it was a £8,450 tax bill he asked me to pay. Now it’s a £4,000 tax bill. What’s next? And no, he’s never not been able to pay his tax bill before. Clearly something is wrong.

Not sure what the tax schedule is in the UK but in the US it's annual (unless you're self employed and pay quarterly). Why would he owe a big chunk of taxes in January and then again in the Summer? Does that make sense? I definitely would not hand him the £4,000.

But he has been up to shady business so I have to protect my inheritance.

Completely agreed. From here on out you look at it like a business deal.

The Trust Attorney & Trust CPA are aware, they keep me informed of the law, what I need to do to protect my inheritance.

Good! Rely on their expertise to protect yourself!

It appears I will need to get legal help. 😩

We recommend consulting with a lawyer to almost everyone here. You don't have to act on any legal proceedings, but knowing your rights is very important. Knowledge = power.