BL42, I didn’t approach my H, he approached me. You’d have me do what to avoid this specific relationship talk? Pretend I didn’t hear him? Walk away from him? Get in my car and drive away? Just hand over the £4,000? There was no way “That doesn’t work for me.” Or “I’ll think about it.” was going to satisfy him. H was on edge, he was insistent. I was either going to transfer the money or I was going to get Monstered. Relationship talk or no relationship talk the outcome the same.
My boundary remains the same. I am not comfortable not knowing what is happening with our money. In January it was a £8,450 tax bill he asked me to pay. Now it’s a £4,000 tax bill. What’s next? And no, he’s never not been able to pay his tax bill before. Clearly something is wrong.
I have my own bank accounts, credit. But this isn’t a my money, his money thing. Family bills go through the family account. My bank account was set up because every woman should have their own bank account. My Trust money, small bits, gets filtered through my account. Thankfully I found out about OW & her family, my H’s apparent generosity towards them before I transferred my money. It remains safe elsewhere. If there had been no OW, no India, no concerning money behaviour and H asked for my help Of course! It’s OUR money. But he has been up to shady business so I have to protect my inheritance. The Trust Attorney & Trust CPA are aware, they keep me informed of the law, what I need to do to protect my inheritance.
As to why I am not on the family bank account, well, I am American, I came to the UK 20 years ago. When I arrived we went to the bank to add me but the bank said no because I didn’t have the credentials. Hadn’t been at the address long enough, didn’t have any utility bills in my name at the time. We just let it go. I didn’t worry about it. I’ve always been able to make purchases from the account. I just never looked at the account. I trusted H. He used to be wonderful.
