The first 6 months or so, I was so over-ANAL-izing every little freakin thing my Ex did , that I forgot that I had a say in who I was too....
Once I figured that out....the rest was easy........er...
We essentially gave a great facade that nothing was wrong. She pretended to not have the first 2 affairs, once I knew for sure about them (they were over by the time I knew for sure), I gave her some space to work through it, by the time I found out about #3, I was done....
I didn't want to place a timeline on anything, however, I decided early on, that I would give myself two years BEFORE I made any decisions about my life with or without her.
Ironically, #3 corresponded with being at the end of my self imposed 2 year Mach project.
I spent those 2 years working on myself, how I communicated, how I listened, how I wanted to be and present myself to the world.
I learned what love was, what obligation was, dealt with my guilt, owned my half of the marital breakdown, and worked my ass off working toward forgiveness.
D, I spent so much time inside of my own head that I didn't have time to wonder WTF she was doing.....
Looking forward, it was painstaking....
Looking back ?
The best 2 years I ever had.... I won't do it again, however, I am thankful that I was able to find out who I am....
So I guess it's about perspective, and time spent, and what YOU decide to do with your time....
We did interact when we had to ..
Parenting, bills, schedule and such. She would talk when she felt the need, I would listen and validate. It didn't go much deeper than that, by her choice. She had a lot of anger that she hadn't worked through, or even realized that she had. Everything was normal in her world, and by her own standards...
Yet, the "shark eyes" gave her away every time....
Sooooo
You do have choices....you just gotta make them......
Dude, I thought you were like a simulation or a bot or something. Everything you posted in my thread sounded like a fortune cookie. Now I can see there's a real, breathing Mach1 walking around somewhere! Amazing.
I'm sorry you had to live through all that. Your EXW sounds like William H. Macy's wife in Boogie Nights (no offense - just the thought of 3 affairs...cripes). I can relate to the overanalyzing, though I've mostly conditioned myself to stop here in month #4. Like you mentioned, I want to improve my communication and response skills. I played a role in the marriage being where it is today, whether or not I want to insist that W was and is prime MLC material.
I can't imagine two years of this on my end. I know you posed the question to me if W was worth the wait, but I feel like things are trending downward. Not to say I'm living my life hinging on every word and action from W...just that the quality quotient of the marriage [censored] balls. Kind of like where you describe your wife talking if she felt the need, but not much deeper than that. We're not quite there yet, but hovering above such communication.
The choice I'm making, as I told Iron Will, is to stand for now and just try to take things day by day. The tenable nature of things for the kids also makes leaving difficult. I guess it's not torture in the house while I'm also trying to reinvent Doug...
