First figure out what you want to do. Stand or no?
Then you make that decision again tomorrow.
Then the next day.
And the next. And the next. Etc.
And that's how you get to 4 years.
I'm not saying that will be what happens with you. Every person is different every relationship has different dynamics. You have kids, I don't Etc etc.
If I was you i would stop thinking about years from now and start re-reading the golden advice these vets are giving you. Take a breath. S isn't leaving soon, you said yourself. I would slow down and use the time to work on yourself. You can't use logic / your brain to solve your MR if your S wants out. So use it for something else.
And listen to LH he's also helped me tons.
As far as limbo being over, well life is limbo. Unless you get a memory wipe I don't see you ever not feeling something for an ex at some point down the road.
Best
IW
Thanks for the feedback on your situation. As for me - I am standing by default. I have let go of the illusion (delusion?) that W will want to stay in the marriage. For now, the day-by-day approach certainly works. I doubt our younger two kids suspect anything. The older ones kind of know but aren't affected. W and I aren't discourteous around the house, though we're not falling over each other in conversation. From the standpoint of the kids having both mom and dad in the house, it's working for now.
I have some good book recommendations (reading Codependent No More right now), hit the gym with regularity, am reconnecting with some old friends, take the kids out often, and keep up with sports. Life isn't h3llish, though no one wants to live through the end of a marriage.
