Traveler nailed it. Caving is not a strong move. Therefore not attractive. Weak moves do not command respect. Always pick commanding respect over being nice.
My problem during parts of the relationship was that I tried to command too much respect to the point I came off as an a-hole. Furthermore, perhaps "caving" was not the word I should have used there. On my own, I agreed to go...knowing it wasn't going to be a big deal other than a wasted co-pay.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
As far as the rest of the exchange that resulted, obviously my stance is that they should never have happened. She is using MC to try to get you to cave (and this is why caving is a bad idea because if you cave on MC then just maybe you'll cave on nesting or some other thing). So it is hard to for me to give props.
That's very fair, and I can already tell I'm going to have a tough time on the nesting BS if and when it comes around because I'll be thinking of the kids getting to see both parents in the house. Don't get me wrong, I've read all the reasons not to nest from this board...and I would *not* be a happy camper if I found a used rubber in the trash of the co-apartment.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
What I will say is that she is trying to manipulate you. "Go to MC!" So she can try to get you to cave on her other plans. "I am conflicted." If you continue to play ball with what I want it might save the marriage. (HINT: It won't.) "It looks like we have to stay put for now." If I act like I am resigned to the way things are then maybe Doug will give me more of what I want.
Believe NOTHING she says. That literally means NOTHING.
I've mostly been ok on refusing to believe anything she says, mainly because everything gets cancelled out at one point or another. There's no consistency. If you read my latest post, I'm mostly resigned to having to settle in for a bit of a ride. I have offered W the door and meant it, but she won't leave the kids (which, honestly, would be quite painful to see her make that choice).
